Day 183-October 30th: Trying

I'm trying my best to continue to work through stuff. I finally had to force myself to finish my lesson plan tonight (since I'm teaching it tomorrow for a final grade.) That wasn't stressful at all.....not! But I just finished it and printed it out. I'm hoping with everything in my that teaching for the next two weeks will convince me that I'm doing the right thing with my life, but I'm not sure. Everyone always says that your occupations isn't who you are, it's what you do. That's just not true for a teacher. If I become a teacher it will be WHO I am, not just something I do. I'm either gonna give it my all or I just won't be able to live with myself. Anyway I'm super far behind in work since I spent 3 days doing essentially nothing.

Day 182- October 29th: My day off

I took today off of work and had a day date with my best friend. We had a really nice long talk over lunch about our lives and where they are going/lack of direction. And we had chinese which was incredible, followed by Dairy Queen which was also incredible. I listened to more music and this was the song that got me through.

Also, I had the best costume ever tonight. I was Mrs. Aaron Rodgers. I love playing pretend :)

Day 181-October 28th: Kegger!

So today was a bit better than yesterday. All the sugar I had really messed me up, and I was on edge for the majority of the morning but I received the following text from a friend over my lunch hour: "Trees don't grow tall without quite a bit of rainfall." Even though I texted back that I was drowning this made so much sense to me. I'm growing and all I can do is keep trying not to drown and grow taller.

We had a party at our house tonight and I'd like to say that I think I'm sufficiently done with my college partying days. I just haven't had fun with it recently. Anyway I posted a few pics below.

Day 180-October 27th: My Uncertainty

I had a major freakout today. I know I said I had a major freakout on Sunday, but that was nothing compared to today. I'm not exactly sure what made me click, but suddenly on my way home from class it was just like "What the hell am I doing with my life?" I've just reached a point where I'm so uncertain what I want, that I started doubting my very existence. I came home and tried to do homework, but I was shaking so hard I literally could not hold my highlighter. So I baked, and I ate cookies. 5 to be exact. Then I went for a walk to my thinking place and nearly threw up because I was sobbing so hard. After calming myself for a bit I kept walking and my music helped a bit. I came home and finished a bit of homework and decided to take the night off. So I did. I watched TV and ate lots of unhealthy food. I had a great talk with my roomie about life, and I feel a bit better, but I still feel like crap. I looked through a lot of my quotes and some of them really helped me realize what I need to change, but one in particular made me realize that I'm doing a lot of things right. Here it is:

“Faith is the ability to find beauty in all circumstance. Will is the ability to follow faith where it leads each individual and make something out of the randomness.”- Daryn Christenson


 Really, all I can do right now is have faith that I'm making the right decisions for my future, and that everything will work itself out. 

Day 179: October 26th: MN History Center

Today was a weird day. I had a bad morning in class, as I officially got back my first paper with a C for a grade :( I've lost all hope of receiving all A's this semester, but I've come to terms with it. There is too much going on for me to worry about getting a couple of B's in grad school.
In the afternoon we went of a field trip for Social Studies (best class ever!) While we were there we had to create a lesson plan for a group of students that focused on 1 or several components of Social Studies. We went to the "home" exhibit, which shows a home through a span of 80 years and how it changed. It is an actual home in MN, and it was so cool. For our lesson plan we decided we would have the students take the perspective of a robber, and decide which 3 things they would steal from each room and write about why these 3 things would have been valuable in the time. Then we would go over the progression of value through that time period and try to figure out what types of things were similar.

Day 178: October 25th: poor little civic

I got in my car this evening to do homework and poor little civic was making a weird noise. I have to take him to the shop to get fixed. My precise words to him were, "Civic, you can't do this. Mama doesn't have time to deal with you right now." He didn't listen...

Day 177-October 24th: Green Eyes

I spent the majority of my evening finishing up my  first draft of my science lesson plan and doing more reading. While working on the lesson plan I listened to music and this song came on and made me extremely happy :)