Thursday, October 27, 2011

Day 180-October 27th: My Uncertainty

I had a major freakout today. I know I said I had a major freakout on Sunday, but that was nothing compared to today. I'm not exactly sure what made me click, but suddenly on my way home from class it was just like "What the hell am I doing with my life?" I've just reached a point where I'm so uncertain what I want, that I started doubting my very existence. I came home and tried to do homework, but I was shaking so hard I literally could not hold my highlighter. So I baked, and I ate cookies. 5 to be exact. Then I went for a walk to my thinking place and nearly threw up because I was sobbing so hard. After calming myself for a bit I kept walking and my music helped a bit. I came home and finished a bit of homework and decided to take the night off. So I did. I watched TV and ate lots of unhealthy food. I had a great talk with my roomie about life, and I feel a bit better, but I still feel like crap. I looked through a lot of my quotes and some of them really helped me realize what I need to change, but one in particular made me realize that I'm doing a lot of things right. Here it is:

“Faith is the ability to find beauty in all circumstance. Will is the ability to follow faith where it leads each individual and make something out of the randomness.”- Daryn Christenson

 Really, all I can do right now is have faith that I'm making the right decisions for my future, and that everything will work itself out. 

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