Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Day 306- February 29th: Leap Day!

Today was a scary day. First there was the drive into school. It was a scary drive, but worth it for my kids. And then the fact that a lot of teachers were late/missing. And so I worked on my flexibility as things weren't going quite according to plan. Our nature presentation also got cancelled. I really think I am getting better at being flexible :)

After school I had class. During this time they taught us about how to apply for our license and jobs. Very informative. I learned a lot about resumes/cover letters and will have to once again re-write them. *sigh* All part of the job hunt I suppose. I was also reminded to check what comes up online when I type my name in. Turns out this blog is the first thing they will get. I better attempt to make it professional....

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 305-February 28th: a few quotes

This quote comes from my friend. He wants to start his own personal training company, and I asked him for some tips since I keep getting injured. He told me I have learn to take time out of my day to warm up and stretch. This kid knows me too well. I skip stretching far to often because I just don't have the 5 minutes to do it. This was the quote I got back:
"Laziness and procrastination are the enemy of results." - Kevin Reeverts

Then I went and read my quote of the day in my e-mail inbox. Turns out I forgot to check it yesterday, 
so I had 2 and they were both incredible!

In relation to time and how you chose to spend it:
Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
- Jean Luc Picard

Makes me want to spend less time on this stupid blog and more time on real things. And the other one relates to my decision about where to teach. If I can find a program that allows me to make as much money and progress as I could here, then I should do it. 

When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder.
- William Joseph Slim

Monday, February 27, 2012

Day 304- February 27th: Ain't No Rules

A few weeks ago I got Spotify and I love it. Basically you can listen to whole albums for completely free. I've been using it to check out all these artist that I love one song from. I posted one song from this artist before, back in like January. Anyway I fell in love with this song today. Underlined/bolded stuff that makes sense to me. 

The city buildings take my breath away 
The men who built them they risked their lives to say 
You gotta lose everything to know 
That you could gain the whole world if you don't 

When your fate’s tied to a balance beam 
And your feet could cost you everything 
You gotta break all the rules to know 
That there ain't any rules anymore 

You could stand in the rain to know my love won’t wash away 

I might bend until I break so I can see that I'm afraid 
But we won't know who we are without risking it all 
Baby I’ll risk you if you risk me too 

See her children how they learn to fly 
They fall from heaven in a blink of an eye 
I've seen her risk everything she's known 
Until there's nothing to fear anymore 

I saw an angel fly through hell today 
And as she passed I thought I heard her say 
Beauty isn't meant to be owned 
Unless you share with the rest of the world

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Day 303-February 26th: Back to work

Another day spent in bed. Just one more....and then it's back to work. It's weird how much I hate laying around. I wish I could do it about 1 day a month though. Since I know it won't happen for awhile I soaked it up over this break. I'm ready to go back. I miss my kidos and I worry about them.

Day 302-February 25th: Things I learned at a party

Wow. We decided to have a party last night and to say it got a little out of control would be an understatement. I spent the majority of my night juggling the chaos of having a bunch of people I randomly know there who don't know each other.

I started out my night with a great chat from one of my old friends who recently studied abroad. I haven't seen him in a about a year and half so it was nice to catch up. I got some advice about teaching abroad: do it.

Then I played some catch phrase and started drinking. I talked to my roommates friend, whom i've hated with a passion mostly because he's a viking fan. At the last party we had a made him a bet. Something about me running naked if the vikings EVER win the superbowl. Anywho.....turns out he's a great guy. I got to talking with him about what he does for work. He works for a company that sets up programs to help kids from inner city schools get on an educational and financial path to college. He basically talked my ear off about how much he loves his job. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover. I definitely thought he was just some lazy college student.

Then I went to the neighbors party with him to look for our roommate (who was completely insane.)  Upon arriving back I got asked to have a little chat in my room from my ex. What ensued was me completely breaking down in tears(I cried for about and hour after this), realizing how emotionally messed up I am, and a very rude and uncalled for text to another ex. Dumb Tiara....this is why you don't try to be friends with your ex boyfriends. Lesson learned? Eventually I calmed down and went to bed. Thank god.....

The roomies prior to the craziness....except Devi, who is always cray-z!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Day 301-February 24th: Perfectly Imperfect

This may be a long post. Because a) I'm hungover in bed b) its freezing out and my "long" walk turned into a very short walk and c) I'm procrastinating beginning work on my unit plan because I have no idea how to teach social studies.

Last night I went out to the bar and the specials for the night ($1 rail drinks and $2.50 long islands) seemed impossible to say no to. So I stayed out until 2am and came home to shove some more food in my mouth. I slept until 10:30 so my long morning walk turned into a noon walk.

It was suppose to be a long walk with a nice cup of coffee. It turned into a hungover walk where I happened to be walking directly into the wind. So I only made it a mile. But, I took some pictures of my favorite place.

I also figured that I better get a picture of myself with the city before I leave it, so here it is :) Not the greatest picture considering I was in last night's make up.

I also got my birthday present in the mail yesterday. I bought it for myself. It's a plain sterling silver ring that is engraved with the words "Perfectly Imperfect." I'm not perfect, but my imperfections make me who I am, so why not rejoice in them? I ordered the ring from a company called Endorphin Warrior. They make jewelry for runners who are training and need a motto to help them along the way. I love it!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Day 300- February 23rd: Solitude

One thing I really like about the morning is that it feels so quiet and calm. At least on a college campus. Today I woke up and went to a delicious breakfast at Al's with my roommate Alyssa. Then I didn't really feel like coming home to get started on my to-do list, so I grabbed a cup of coffee from ERC and walked to stone arch bridge. It was the quietest I've ever seen. only 4 runners past me the whole time. So I just stood on the bridge sipping my coffee and listening to my music in complete solitude. I thought about my life and the decisions I've made.  I got this sudden feeling that even though I have no idea what the next 6 months hold I'm perfectly prepared for it (though my large to do list would say otherwise.) Loved my moment of relaxation and solitude. And tomorrow I plan on doing the same thing....because when will be my next chance to go for a long walk and drink coffee?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Day 299- February 22nd: Respect

Today I drove to Faribault to pick up one of the kids from the academy for the blind. Agh! I got so insanely lost and this puppy kept running in front of my car and I nearly killed it 3 times. I was screaming/swearing at it. How can you not understand that you need to get out of the way of a moving vehicle?? Anyway after I finally lost it on a road where I could go a little faster I came across a cool sign. If I hadn't been 30 mins late to pick this child up I might have stopped to look closer. And turned out after doing some research it may have been an anti abortion sign, but what I took from it is what I'm still going to use. All I saw was "Respect Life." And I thought to myself "Absolutely." I don't have to love life, or even like it right now, and lets face it at this moment I didn't. But I still had to respect it, because it's a gift, and an authority figure. The more respect I give it perhaps the more I'll get in return??

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Day 298-February 21st: Torture

My boredom has led me to torture myself. I went on a 4 mile run through awful piles of snow. Then I watched 2 horrible movies while I wrote lesson plans. I was going crazy sitting on the couch so I got up and went to clean my room and get ready for the day (at 4 pm.) As I was doing my hair I grabbed a scissors, my trash and stood overtop the trash can with scissors in my hand ready to chop of my bangs. Why is this so difficult? Why can't I just cut them? Finally I got frustrated, made myself some coffee and went for a walk. Yesterday I walked/ran 9 miles, today I did 5. I'm so insanely sore and bored out of my mind. I'm starting to think I should have planned a trip somewhere. Too late I'll just have to be super bored for the rest of the week.
To top it all off I had to fill out a form for my career counseling. After filling out the form I decided that I probably need some actual counseling. My emotions are all fucked up and I need to get them figured out at some point.
Like I said the free time is torturing. I think I'm a workaholic.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day 297-February 20th: bluegrass

Today I had a great day off. I went to the gym, and then fixed my resume and cover letter. Then I walked to career services to turn in some paper work, walked home and walk back to west bank to get my taxes done. Turns out I owe money this year :( overall it's only like 100 dollars, but it still sucks. Then I went to work and got paid to sit in a waiting room and read. I followed up the evening with a scary ride home in the snow and a trip to the 331 to dance to some bluegrass. Anyone who can listen to bluegrass without dancing has no soul. I think all I really want out of my future partner is someone who can dance with me.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Day 296- February 19th: A post from "Training"

So today was a day that was beautiful out. So warm. I woke up and watched a great movie called Happy Thank You More Please. Then I went for a run. It was incredible. Read about it here.  Then I went to work and we got to play outside. I came home and made tacos. yum!

Day 295- February 18th: TBT and dinkytown

I finally made a Trampled by Turtles cd for my car. Probably a bad idea. I already listen to it too much. I took a day off of the gym and running. I did walk to dinkytown to try my hand at drinking. Awful. I also ingested a shamrock shake, a McDouble, and fries. Afterwards I almost forced myself to vomit because I felt so sick.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Day 294- February 17th: Cold!

Our heat isn't working. And I'm freezing and I wish I had a man to keep me warm. But I'm really enjoying watching a movie in my big bed. And waiting for the landlord to call back and tell me when the gas company is coming.

Day 293-February 16th: Of Monsters and Men

I love this song!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Day 292-February 15th: MTLE

Today I got my MTLE results from the 3 content exams. I passed them all! So glad I don't have to waste anymore time or money on them. Now I set my sights on passing the pedagogy exams in 3 and a half weeks. I also had a splitting headache for most of the day.
This what my quote today, and I love it :)

Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will, it is always interesting.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Day 291-February 14th: Valentines Day

I hate this holiday.  My valentines day message for you is as follows: Love should be celebrated 365 days of the year, not on some random day of the year decided on by Hallmark. Show your love every single day and to everyone you can.

I got to thinking about love today, and the love I've had and the love I've lost. I came to the following conclusion: As much as I hate being single I'm still so hurt from the last man I loved (and still love) that there is no way I'm ready to put my heart on the line for anyone else. Before I can take the chance of having it broken again I need to give it the time it needs to become whole and complete. If I don't, then any relationship I start will be half-hearted. And let's face it: I'm not the kind of girl who goes into anything half hearted (unless it is something I really dislike.) When I teach I teach my heart out. When I clean I do it well. When I drink I drink a lot. When I love, I will love my heart out.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Day 290-February 13th: rambling

I did way too much yelling at children today. I didn't like it one bit, but sometimes it is just required.

Also, I think I've probably gone completely mad again. Or maybe I'm finally sane again? not sure on this one...
I made my first ever pros and cons list. I literally wrote it all out and then just like that all the cons got their asses whooped. Well the majority of them did.

I also got spotify! And ate leftover cake and ice cream. It was super yummy!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Day 289- February 12th: Birthday

Wow. I'm 22. Where does time go? And when can I go back to age 7? That was a good year. I don't remember a lot about it, but I'm sure it involved less homework, less worrying, less concerns about the future, and a lot more fun. I'd like to take a moment to remember a few past birthdays. 13 was a good year. I remember having rip and dip cake. Yum! 18 sucked...I was sick. My mom had a small surprise party for me but I really didn't feel it. 19 involved pasta Thursday at the dorms, and my first cigarette. Sad to say it wasn't my last. (no worries. I only went through like 4 packs in my lifetime and I think my ex smoked the majority of them.) 20 sucked...I was sick. My boyfriend came over and made me soup and mashed potatoes, we watched some tv and cuddled and I gave him a ride to work. On the way there he told me something that sadly became very true. He told me that year 20 and 21 would be the toughest of my life. And they have been.
But truth be told I think year 22 is going to be just as hard, if not harder. But heres the great part: It finally matters. All the work in school will be implemented in a real job. All the living off of no money will pay off, since I have some money to travel now. And all that heartache has only made me a stronger girl. Basically what I'm saying is: Fuck you year 22. I'm gonna whoop your ass!

Day 288- February 11th: our celebration

Today was a nice day off from work. I woke up super early and went and did my grocery shopping before the store got crazy. Then I made it to the gym for a huge workout. I did laundry and homework. Then it was time to celebrate my birthday and Becky finishing the LSAT. So we got all cute and dressed up to go out to dinners at Sawatdee (thai) and out to Northeast to get "fancy" drinks. Then I came home and watched chick flicks with Becky while falling asleep on the couch. It was a wonderful night :)

Friday, February 10, 2012

Day 287-February 10th: Good teaching

Tonight after school I came home to read one of my usual boring and pointless reading assignments. What I got was something totally different. Something I could relate to. And so I began to cry as I read about the heart of a teacher.

"As good teachers weave the fabric that joins them with students and subjects, the heart is the loom on which the threads are tied, the tension is held, the shuttle flies, and the fabric is stretched tight. Small wonder, then, that teaching tugs at the heart, opens the heart, even breaks the heart-- and the more one loves teaching, the more heartbreaking it can be. The courage to teach is the courage to keep one's heart open in those very moments when the heart is asked to hold more than it is able so that teacher and students and subject can be woven in the fabric of community that learning and living require. "

A lot of the article stated that being a good teacher doesn't mean you have learned about the newest math curriculum, or newest forms of discipline, but that you understand yourself and that you connect your inner-self to you co-workers and students. As I've been staying later in the evenings, I've noticed my own personality finally mixes with that of the rest of the third grade team, and thank god. I was starting to feel like an outsider, seeing as I'm 10 years younger than them all and am not married and have no kids, and can't talk about buying new cars. But I've been trying my best, and I hope that soon it will catch on with the students as well. As a teacher, you wear your heart on your sleeve.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Day 286-February 9th: student teaching

Two days ago one of my fellow student teachers quit the program and I am devastated! He would have made a wonderful teacher, and because he was stuck with an awful co-teacher and it was too much for him to handle. Makes me very happy with my placement.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 285-February 8th: Shamrock shakes.

So for about 6 weeks out of the year McDonalds sells these delicious things call shamrock shakes. They are supposedly mint flavored. I say they taste like green. I had my first one of the year tonight. They are so good, and since they are only around for like 6 weeks I usually treat myself to about one a week. I'm horrible.....

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 284- February 7th: The "us"

So I've been doing exactly what I was supposed to do 3and a half years ago. Thinking about me and what I want for me future. On sunday I went for a nice long walk (like 4 miles) and listened to Trampled By Turtles. I finally started on the next item on the list. What I want for a potential "us" someday. What do I want my "us" to look like. I've never thought of myself as a girl who would be single for the rest of her life. In fact I had never even considered it until this walk. How strange it would be if that was how I ended up. Truth be told, that is just not what I want. Major life decision number one. I will not end up single. Then I got to thinking about my ideal man. My mother made me make a list of qualities for my future man when i was like 15. I have no idea where this list is, but I know it has changed. Mostly I started thinking about all the men I dated and the things I disliked about them. So here is my list.

1. Openness and communication. If you can't communicate in a relationship (for whatever reason) it's not going to work. Sometimes there just isn't that connection. Sometimes their are barriers that just can't be broken.
2. Honesty. This one goes along with the last one. If you lie once, shame on you. If you lie twice, then shame on me for staying with you. I'm not talking about small little lies, I'm talking about big ones.

3. Certainty and confidence. I'm sure this one isn't true for everyone, but for a girl who is so planned out it is necessary. Show me you know what you want and that you know how to get it and you win. I don't have time to waste waiting around for you to make your mind up. I have a life of my own, and I'm pretty certain where I want to go. I need you to be confident in who you are, because I need a good example.

4. Independence but in need of a better half. You smother me and I will feel so overwhelmed that I will breakdown for days straight. I'm an independent person who is very set in her ways and routine. I know that there has to be some give in a relationship, but we need to have our independent lives as well as our lives with each other. Relationships are meant to add meaning to both peoples lives, not take away from them.

5. Kind but critical. You have to be kind to me and the world, but take it for what it is. I'm not perfect, and to put me in that esteem makes me feel like there are even more things wrong with me. There are things I need to fix, there are things everyone needs to fix, but there are kind ways of saying it. For example: Instead of saying I'm way less hot than I used to be tell me you notice i've cut back on my workouts. This makes me feel bad about nixing some good habit rather than lowering my self esteem to the point of zero.

6. Never thought i'd say this but...healthy, active, and adventurous. Active? 15 year old Tiara would have wanted a guitar player or singer. nope. I want a guy who will do fun fit activities with me. I'm not saying you have to be a health nut (i'm certainly cream is my best friend) but you do have to live a healthy lifestyle of sorts. Adventurous because, well, I'm not. And I need someone to push me.

Anyway this list is far from over, but it's a start, and I still haven't made the point I want to make. As far as an "us" is concerned, with any man, I'm not ready. I know sort of what I want to be and what I want "him" to be, but I have no idea how I want my relationships to go. And so I will continue to contemplate: Breadwinner vs stay at home dad. A life revolving around our children vs a live in the moment for us lifestyle. The ideas are endless and I know there are ranges in between. So heres to the start of figuring out what I  want.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Day 283- February 6th: sunshine and my weird legs.

Holy sunshine!!! I had a great, but crazy day at school, and then I drove home with my sunroof back! Then I went for a nice long run. Unfortunately toward the end of my run I noticed my ankle starting to hurt. I stopped to walk and noticed something kind of strange about my walking. My left foot was straight, but my right leg was curved outward. WTF feet!?!? This can probably all be blamed on my brother breaking my leg when I was two. I might start wrapping my leg to try to keep it straight, or I might even go see a physical therapist. Nervous :S

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Day 282- February 5th: work

Today at work I was reminded how amazing the kids I work with are. Wow! just absolutely incredible.

I also got a really good quote today:

We must never cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time
- T S Eliot

Day 281-February 4th: the hardest part

I may have posted this song previously, but i love it so very much that I don't care. I'm posting it again.

Pay my respect to the company store
I ain't got no money don't want no more
Pay my respects to the company boys
now just move along
I worked hard for every little bit I got
And got lucky once on some advice
Met a dark haired girl that the Mississippi moon
Musta left by mistake one night
In a hurry, Lord
And that ain't the hardest part
The hardest part is loving
Somebody that cares for you so much

Promises don't pay cash at the bank
If they did I'm bidding your word

They couldn't pay me for the time that it took to write a check
To buy a babydoll for my girl
And I worked hard for every little bit I got
The things I got are gonna stay

and it's been flooding so hard on them company mines
That you know it's gonna flood someday
And you're gonna miss someone
And that ain't the hardest part

The hardest part is loving somebody that cares for you
And that ain't the hardest part
The hardest part is working and I've worked enough
I could stretch that penny like a silver line
Rolling through the pages of my life
Underneath your name where it's underlined

I've been turned around
I've been mystified by a true love
And that ain't the hardest part
Talkin' bout a true love
And that ain't the hardest part
And that ain't the hardest part
And that ain't the hardest part

Friday, February 3, 2012

Day 280-February 3rd: wine and non academics

Tonight the hotties next door had a party. And I finally introduced myself. I went over there early with Becky and we failed at beer pong as usual. Becky kept introducing me to men, trying to "hook me up" with them. I talked to a lot of nice guys (all those she assumed were into bluegrass.) and then headed home for a piece of cold pizza and bed. Part of me misses partying and part of me doesn't miss it at all. I'm so torn these days.

Day 279-February 2nd: Conferences

Today I put in a 13 hour day for free, but boy was it worth it. It is amazing to see how much the students in my class have progressed. But the most amazing part....

How involved all the parents are. Especially those from immigrant families or single parent families. They all have so little and are so willing to give and give to their children. They want them to have everything. One particular mother sticks out in my mind: She has 7 children. One is a sophomore in high school and has just started AP classes. They moved to America about 5 years ago not knowing any English and she has worked so hard to provide a superior education to her children. She reads with them every night, she practices math with them, and disciplines them. She constantly stops by for visits with the teachers or calls to check in. Imagine taking care of 7 children, have limited communication ability, and still being that involved in their schooling. If I ever become a mother, I'd be happy if I was half as patient and motivated at she is. And if I can't be that kind of mother, then I don't want to be one at all.

As I listed to our EL teacher speak with another students father in Spanish (and tried to use my limited knowledge of the language) I could sense his extreme emotion. I could feel his love for his son and the passion behind his words as we told him about his sons extreme reading progress.

I also got to start one of the conferences out by talking about one girls reading growth and how it has allowed her to start in a new reading group with me. It was scary, but I can't wait to do my own full conference someday.

And so, my 13 hour day was long. But it went much quicker than I thought and I'm happy I was there.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Day 278- February 1st: TPA=done

I cannot believe it is already February. I'm so glad January is done and I'm looking forward to increasing my amount of teaching time next week. My TPA writing is all done! I just finished editing my last paper. My teacher has been very understanding and hasn't been having me lead many lessons these last few weeks, because she knows I've been crazy busy working on my paper. When she asks me what I want to do next week I'm going to volunteer myself to take on a ton of lessons (at least 1 a day plus my lit circles and morning meeting time.) It's time to start preparing for my Pedagogy exam in March and my full time teaching :)