Thursday, December 29, 2011

Day 243-December 29th: why here?

So I finally got to the gym today and I can I just say that it felt fantastic! I did 4.5 miles on the elliptical. I got to thinking a lot about how different my life is going to be if I go to Spain versus not going to Spain. I started thinking about how different my life would have been if I had gone somewhere else for college. Some things would have played out the same: I would have got a degree in elementary education, I probably would have graduated early, I would have found some group of friends to fit in with. But a lot would have been different. I'd probably be working a real job already, with none of my graduate degree completed, and I might be a little less in debt.

But what definitely would have been different would have been my relationships. I would probably be closer to my parents since I would have seen them more, and I wouldn't be as close to my brother. I mean I wouldn't have lived with him for 2 years, so there is no way our relationship could be the same. I wouldn't have met my awesome roommates. I wouldn't have dated the plethora of men I have. Maybe I would have only had 1. Maybe I wouldn't have had my heart broken. Maybe I wouldn't have broken any hearts.

So what made me decide to come here? A conversation. I never told anyone what made me choose to come here. It was a conversation with one of my brothers friends. I told him the draw to Eau Claire was saving money, and he convinced me that I'd waste that money on gas coming up to the cities every weekend to see my boyfriend and brother. Extremely logical. Mostly I just didn't want to spend time driving in a car every weekend. Mind blowing. I wonder what will make my decision this time.

Day 242-December 28th: stitches!

The stitches in my mouth fell out today :) Maybe now I can eat like a normal person again. Also I got to spend my work day with some awesome cuties...building gingerbread houses and making foam snowmen. Then we got to go see the movie Dolphin Tale. A little bit of a chick flick, but cute nonetheless. My bosses also finally took us up on giving them an evening off. We fed the kids and played games with them while they took some of the bigger girls who are home from college out.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Day 241-December 27th: Pepper Spray

After someone got mugged yesterday at 3:30 in the afternoon on campus I finally broke down and bought myself some jogging pepper spray. Now maybe I can go for runs at 4:00pm when it's already dark out. I figured it was a worthy investment of my money. I also decided since I was already paying shipping and handling to buy some for my roomies as a christmas present. hurray!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Day 240-December 26th: intriguing?

I feel like posting something intriguing today, but I can think of anything. My car is making weird noises again, and all I want to do is hop in it and drive to North Dakota. Oh life, sometimes you suck.....Also I started listening to Ryan Adams again today. Not sure if this is good or bad.

Day 239-December 25th: Christmas

It was a good and simple Christmas. I woke up to cinnamon rolls and eggs, had part of a beer while opening gifts, and spent the majority of the day with immediate family. I got a lot of nice things, some needed, and probably some unnecessary (who doesn't need unnecessary things?) The best present, by far, was finding out that in April I will become an aunt to a beautiful baby boy! hurray! The Packers also beat the Bears today, which was fantastic. I got to thinking about where I might be next year for Christmas. Maybe I'll be somewhere warm, maybe I'll still come home for the holidays, maybe I'll be in another country. But if I'm really, really lucky I'm sure it can be as good as this one. Maybe even better since I won't be in pain from surgery.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Day 238-December 24th: my need for real arms.

It was a rough night on the bathroom floor of feeling awful. I almost blacked out a few times, but my mommy took good care of me. In order to finally calm myself down and fall back asleep I just had to breath deep and pretend like I was cuddling with someone special. Luckily it worked, sadly I'm sick of pretending, and could really use some real arms.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Day 237-December 23rd: Wisdom Teeth and a quote

Agh! not a fan of surgery. The surgery went well, but the meds they put me on, or the anesthesia make me feel super faint. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and well as a lot of time trying to to pass out/puke. I also have issues withe coughing and sneezing because it removes my blood clot. I have to be super careful. Anyway someone sent me this very lovely quote that I would like to share. I love it!

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. ~Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, translated from Turkish

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Day 236-December 22nd: Appointments

Today was my buys days of appointments. I fit 4 in in 7 hours. Luckily all the places were running on schedule so I had time to run to target, clean my car, and eat lunch in between everything.

Check up went well. At first my blood pressure was in the "scary" range, but they re-took it at the end and it was fine. No shots, no blood drawn, just the uncomfortable papsmeer. But I made it through. I also talked to her about my extreme sleep problems and she suggested a few things including some supplements (hurray for a doctor who doesn't immediately go to chemical drugs.)

Then I headed to the chiropractor. Had to fill out of ton of paper work since our insurance changed, but things went well, and my back cracked wonderfully :)

Dentist was good. Except that they hygienist pointed out that my coffee consumption must have increased because my teeth are starting to get stained! :S I finally got to see my real dentist (he always happens to be gone when I come home to get my teeth cleaned) and when he asked me what I was doing next year and I told him about my new plans(spain) he informed me that another dentist's daughter works for a company who recruits teachers to teach in other countries. Turns out this dentist happens to be extracting my wisdom teeth tomorrow. I love going to the dentist. I always get told I have beautiful teeth.

Lastly I got to go to a new eye doctor. Not my favorite. They dilated my eyes, thus making it impossible for me to study upon my arrival home. :( Eyes are fine for now. Screw my genes. I'm fighting the glaucoma and macular degeneration. Not going to happen to me.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Day 235-December 21st: Call it what you want

Done with my semester. My brother called my mom tonight and when she informed him I was studying he was quite confused. But I press on in my endeavors to get this damn license. So tonight I finished reading through the 400 page MTLE study guide. I shall give myself tomorrow to look over the TPA requirements, Friday to rest, and then I'll be back at it. Just created my official study schedule. Just double the pace I went through it last time. No big deal. Anyway on my way to my last class this morning I heard this song. Um love!

This song describes everything I feel about a certain someone right now. Although I may have uncertainties about my future I know that in some ways I will always be his "woman." Whether either of us likes it or not (hating it right now.)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 234-December 20th: Spain and Thailand

On Sunday, as I drove home and was thinking about my life I decided that I wanted to teach in either Thailand or Spain. I don't know why, but I've always had a draw to Thailand. The draw to Spain is one of language. They speak mostly English, but if I stayed long enough I would potential gain the ability to speak Spanish.

Today I got to talking about 2 of my fellow ILPers about these options. One informed me that one of her best friends is currently teaching in Spain and that she loves her program. She then said she would be willing to give me her contact information so that I could learn a bit more about it. Um...yes universe? I'm listening. I said I'd go anywhere, and I meant it.

 After class we had a meeting with our program coordinator to talk about the gigantic amount of course work we have to do in January/February. There was also a guest speaker who handed out a info sheet about an opportunity to spend our May term teaching in Thailand. Of course, as he told me the cost ($4,000) my heart began to break. I left the meeting feeling completely overwhelmed and depressed about my finances.

Then I thought to myself on the way home about how much I need to do this, and how much I deserve to do this. I gave up a year of college to save money. I gave up studying abroad, and frankly I've been (for the most part) very frugal about my travel spending. I went on one spring break trip to Canda and spent a whooping $500. So...who cares if all my savings is gone and I can't make that down payment on my loans or a new car. Screw it. I want this, and I need to do this now while I have the chance, before I give up all my dream simply because I do not have the finances to cover them.

 So I applied.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Day 233-December 19th: Finals and celebration

I woke up at 4am to study for my final today. Procrastination was finally overcome. I took it, came home and spent my 2 hours doing MTLE studying. Then I headed back for the worst social studies class ever, followed by countless hours of watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs in bed. I'm currently getting ready for my first night out at a MN bar since September. I plan on having 2 drinks and driving home to bed. But this girl needs some bluegrass in her life. Also I got this picture sent to my inbox from my ex's wonderful mother. She keeps sending me quotes that make me think. Love that about her.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Day 232- December18th: You wait so long

I've heard this song a few times, but i heard it on my way home from work today and the lyrics in the last verse hit me.

I could never pretend that i don't love you

you could never pretend that i'm your man

that's exactly the way that i want it

that's exactly the way that i am

and you'll call me in the mornin with your troubles

takin it downtown every night

i could never place the stars at night above ya

got my hands on the ground and you know i'm right

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

it's a coffee stained earth every time it happens

liven up honey it ain't that bad

and the after thought rose to recognition

like every other coffin that i had

then your Buick broke down in *Winnemucca*

you fall to your knees and you pray to the lord

then you take a poke at the politicians

nothing happens in this burnt out town anymore

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

and your heart rolls on like a frozen freight train
Find More lyrics at 

you know that I'll help you if i can

but I'm just a raindrop in a river

just a little itty bitty grain of sand

and you know that i'm doomed to repeat this

with all the bad habits that i learned

but its better than your fine earned fornication

and all the dirty money that you earned

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

Day 231-December 17th

I spent a good portion of my day today re-reading old blog posts (can you say procrastination.) My the way life has changed in 231 days, and yet the way it has stayed so insanely the same. Many of the posts talked about how I don't know who I am....similar to yesterdays post. It was also wonderful to go back and listen to some of the songs I fell in love with and realize why/when I fell in love with them. Overall it was a lot of reviewing feelings and good and bad moments. Since I have a huge final at 8:00am tomorrow I better get back to studying for it....I guess.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Day 230- December 16th: Who am I????

I got to thinking today about the decisions of my future. I get nervous that the options I hardly consider will be the ones that are perfect for me. Some just seem way too scary. But then....the one I think about the most should be the most scary, so why isn't it?
 I don't ask opinions anymore. I know what people will say. The best friend will tell me to go for it, she's always supportive and spontaneous. And I love that about her. I need a spontaneous friend. The rents? They'd freak, and be concerned about the exact same things I'm concerned about (finding a job, housing, how i'll move.) The brothers. I got their opinions. They somehow managed to freak me out briefly, followed by my defiant side that says I don't care what others think anymore. My other friends? I know their opinions too. But like I said it's MY decision. Not anyone else's.
But I can't possibly. I think the reason I'm okay diving into this scary situation is that it's actually the easy way out for me. If I take this route I will possibly end up giving up everything I want. Or, I could get everything I've ever wanted. And then suddenly I realize (for the billionth time) that this is not a problem about the decision of where to go, it is a problem about me, still not knowing who I am. Do I want to be a housewife or a full-time lifelong teacher? Do I want to live in the suburbs, a city, or a rural area? Do I want to be the hot obnoxious girlfriend or the down to earth single girl? Do I want to be reliant or independent? Who am I?

Truth be told I'm 21, and I have no idea. The only problem is that I need to find out in the next 5-8 months. When the hell did I become an adult???

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 229-December 15th: Suspension

It broke my heart, but today two of my students received in school suspension. They will now be serving 3 days of out of school suspension for physical harm to another student.  Scary.

Bullying is real. and it's serious. If you work in a school please be sure to be on the look out for students who may be victims of bullying and those students who may be bullies. Teachers have eyes, but our eyes cannot be on all our students 100% of the time. Please join forces with us to stop bullying.

Day 228-December 14th: my day off

I ended up calling in sick today. I only got like 4 hours of sleep due to terrible coughing, and my throat was raw. I wasn't able to sleep during the day, but I got some serious cleaning done. Swept and vacuumed my room, swept the living room, vacuumed the stairs and the cobwebs in the upstairs portion of the house, did 2 loads of laundry, and got rid of 3 bags of clothes from my closet/drawers(turns out once you start wearing professional clothes almost everyday, you don't need quite as many comfy/college-like outfits.) Then I did some MTLE studying and got ahead enough that I won't have to worry about it for this weekend as I prepare myself for finals next week. Then I rested, did my nails, and passed out at approximately 7:45pm. And I slept wonderfully.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Day 227-December 13th: Ryan Adams show!

So this was my quote of the day, and it seemed kind of perfect considering the day I had.

Get busy living or get busy dying.
- Andy Dufresne

Tonight I attended a concert! My first concert since the summer, which is extremely surprising. I took a night off from crazy homework and studying (worked my ass off the last 3 days so that I could afford to) and I enjoyed the music of one of my favorite musicians: Ryan Adams. 

I heard my first Ryan Adams song when I was 16, but I had little idea how much I'd fall in love with him during the summer of 2010. He was just about all I listened to. Friends would even mention how sick they were of hearing him in my car or on my computer, but eventually I was able to change some of their minds. To summarize: I want to have Ryan Adam's babies.The one picture I took from the evening follows. Unfortunately cameras were banned in the theatre :(

Highlights include:
1) Ryan playing New York, New York on the piano in a slower form. Amazing!
2) Ryan playing 16 days (one of my recent favorites.)
3) Come Pick Me Up (the song that made me originally fall in love with him.)
4) If I Am a Stranger (there was just something about this song that I felt tonight.)
5) Winding Wheel (another one of my recent favorites.)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Day 226-December 12th: kidism

As teachers we call the funny things kids say "kidisms." Here is my kidism from today.

So we are looking at a book about sharks, and the book is comparing sharks to humans, in relation to how long ago they lived. Then the book started talking about the first shark that existed.

"Who was the first human?" -kid
"Well it was a long time ago and we don't really know who the exact first person was." -Me
"I think it was George Washington."- kid

Ummm.........not even close. Also, in the middle of my math lesson (observed by my supervisor) I lost my voice. It is almost completely gone :( I'm so glad I'm done with whole group lessons until Friday and only have to work with small groups or individual students.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Day 225- December 11th: Long Distance

I got a lot done today. Woke up early, did some studying, finished a paper, started a lesson plan, did some more studying. I'm getting there. Anyway I had some time to think, and I got to thinking about how messed up long distance relationships are. I'm not talking about just boyfriend/girlfriend ones (been there, done that) but all relationships (Parent/kids, Grandparents/Grandkids, Friendships.) It's so weird in our technological society. I mean you can be so connected and yet, in reality be so distant. I find distance an immense pain in the arse. Why can't I just apparate (harry potter term for simple turning and being suddenly where you need to be.) You can text,  e-mail, call, and skype and still, you need that physical closeness for a relationship to really become something. How strange.....

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Day 224-December 10th: 2 beautiful views

I woke up at 5:30 (stupid internal clock.) I probably should have done homework, but instead I went grocery shopping to get some fruit and ingredients to make chili. The best part of my insomnia? The empty grocery store, and the beautiful full moon I saw on my way there. I always drive to work at 6:30, but I've never noticed the beauty of it. It was so bright and it made me really wish I was out in the country looking at stars and the rest of the sky.

I had a wonderful day at work (got to take the 2 chinese cuties out to lunch) and then headed home for what I hoped would be a relaxing evening. On my drive home on 35W I noticed the amazing sunset right behind the city skyscrapers. It was beautiful and I felt so lucky that I was able to see it. Both times I wished I had my camera with me. You just can't re-create those moments for other people though. Sight isn't just seeing, it's also a feeling. And I felt both the moon and those sunny colors with all of my being.

Day 223-December 9th: my almost full day :)

I woke up feeling surprisingly fantastic and ready for the day. We had a sub in the morning, so I was in charge of getting the students from place to place. Abby was late getting back and the sub had left, so I had to take over briefly. Abby returned to take the kids to lunch, but then I taught math and I-time in the afternoon. Essentially I did almost a whole day by myself. (we had science lab and specials in the morning, and I improvised for writers workshop.) So essentially the only thing I didn't do was Readers Workshop. Which the sub was awful at....where do they find these people?

Day 222-December 8th: Sick

After my very productive day yesterday I woke up extremely sick this morning. It was a rough day at Highland. I didn't want to miss because I started my math micro-teaching and was scheduled to do my comprehension lesson. It's amazing how my sickness went completely away as I was teaching and suddenly showed up again right afterward. I headed to Super Target to pick up some soup, and fruits, as well as some medication. I came home, had some juice while I did some reflections. Then I quickly ate some soup and headed to bed at 6:30 pm.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 221-December 7th: Can I get some sleep?

Is it Friday yet? I'm trying to find beauty in the chaos, but this is what is coming of it: re-writing lesson plans, stress eating, and sore throats. I'm currently sitting in bed attempting to relax my body when I know I have a thousand things to do, because I need sleep tonight. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 1am and I had to get up at 5! That's not realistic. So deep breathing, a double shot of whiskey, followed by relaxation tea. After Monday I will be done with all of my teaching lessons for the U. Hopefully Abby will give me some easy and simple lessons to teach, and I can focus on studying for finals. AGH! not freaking out...just relaxing.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Day 220-December 6th:A Girl

A girl walks into a store. Why yes, her eyes are quite puffy. Looks a bit like she's been crying. She purchases three items: Tea titled "relaxation", low fat frozen yogurt, and Reeses peanut butter cups. King size. As she leaves she notices that there are 3 cops cars outside of the store. She reminds herself to never stop there again. She finishes her drive home considering all the options for how to complete her work when she gets home. She sets up a plan and figures out exactly what she needs to do. As soon as walking in the door she makes herself a flurry. And suddenly the world is better. After starting her work she receives a phone call from her favorite person. The worries fade away. Later she reads the words on her tea bag."Have wisdom in you actions, and faith in your merits," it says. And she does. 

I will persevere. I can do this. And when I feel like I can't, there will always be ice cream to fix it. And calls from a wonderful friend. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Day 219-December 5th: Wild Horses

The kids were quite crazy today. I was stressed and I needed to blow off some steam, so I headed to the gym. This will probably be my only chance to get there this week. On my way there I heard this song. Perfect.
I also started Christmas shopping today. Most of it will probably be done online this year, just because life is so crazy. I don't have very many ideas, so I failed at purchasing anything. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Day 218-December 4th: The week ahead.

Last night I slept with my body pillow, and it was super helpful. I got 8.5 hours of sleep, which was wonderful! It felt so good, and I woke up super relaxed. I also got 4.5 miles in at the gym today. I'm going to make it a priority to get to the gym this week at least 3 times, but this is my major week of teaching. I have at least one lesson everyday, if not two. I'm a bit nervous about my Social Studies lesson that starts tomorrow because my teacher hasn't given me any feedback. Then I realized that in her 9 years of teaching she has never taught Social Studies. Therefore I actually have more knowledge on the subject than she does. How strange! I also get to start my math lesson on Thursday and teach a reading lesson on thursday. It's gonna be crazy!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Day 217-December 3rd: A well needed workout

I almost wrote a super sad blog post today. But I'm trying to remain positive. I got done with work early (thank god!) and so I went grocery shopping and headed to the gym for a well needed 25 minute run and 30 minute elliptical session. I really needed a workout and a good 5 minutes of running with all my might. I felt wonderful and refreshed afterward, and was able to finish my lesson plan and write one 4 page paper. I am currently rewarding myself with The 5th Harry Potter movie and whiskey. Lots of whiskey.

Day 216- December 2nd: Happy Birthday!

I'd like to wish the love of my life a very Happy Birthday! Aaron Rodgers, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Also today was our 2nd roomate family dinner night. We made delicious burgers, fries and chocolate shakes. Yum! I worked my ass off on my Math Lesson plans, and had the first draft almost completed by the time I went to bed at 11:30pm. (after sipping on whiskey for a few hours.) I've been having a really rough time with sleep latley. Not sure if it's just stress, but I think tomorrow night I will try reverting back to my body pillow for comfort. We'll see if it works.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Day 215-December 1st: Photo

you will probably notice that my blog posts will be getting super short in the near future. Finals, Lesson plans, papers, work, MTLE know. Today I discovered this picture online and I think it deserves to be shared.
Photo by Michael Flanagan
This is what was posted under it: Today in Egypt, CHRISTIANS link arms to protect praying MUSLIMS from police violence in Tahrir. Curious if you'd protect the rights of someone you disagree with?

Think about it. Would you? This is something we don't see that often. And sure, maybe you'd stand up for other religions, but what about if someone was gay? Or someone wanted an abortion? Just something to spark some thought for the day

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Day 214-November 30th: losing track of time.

Today was one of those days where I just couldn't seem to get anything done, and then suddenly I could and I lost track of time. I came home, expecting to have an email from my social studies professor with suggestions for my lesson, but I didn't. So, I headed to the gym with my becky for a great workout. Ran a few miles, and when my knees started hurting I switched to the elliptical. Then I did some lunges (killer the next day.) When I got home I decided to start writing my lesson plan on comprehension. I got super into it, and by the time I found my resources and wrote it, I looked at the clock and it was 9:00. I had planned on going to bed at 9, but still hadn't done my chapter of studying (45mins) or my reflection (20min). So I decided to crawl into bed to do my studying. Mistake! I finished at 9:45, but didn't fall asleep until 1:00 in the morning. Lesson learned. Homework in bed is a mistake. One thing I can say for sure: I am marveling at the chaos of life. Yay me!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Day 213-November 29th:

So I fell in love with this song a few days ago, but have had a lot of other things to process. Anyway I couldn't decide what to post for today, so here goes:

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day 212-November 28th: sacrifice=mistakes???

I know I said I wasn't going to talk about my future but I had a really nice conversation with a random acquaintance last night and eventually we got to the point where he said this to me: He told me that he had a theory about 21 year old girls. He said they are no good for commitment, because they finally start to realize how much they are worth. I think he's right, not in the fact that I'm realizing how much I'm worth to men, but how much I'm worth to the world. I want to be a good teacher, and I can't waste these efforts just to end up teaching all white middle class students or working as a secretary (not that this thought doesn't cross my mind everyday.) Then he told me something else that shattered me: that true love is built around a lot of sacrifice, and that maybe it's my turn to make some mistakes. But...what if my sacrifice wasn't a mistake? What if it led me to everything I've ever wanted?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Day 211: November 27th: a plethora

Today was one of those days where so many good and bad things happened, that I'm not entirely sure what to write about. I started off the morning with some well needed lay in bed time. Then I headed to Al's breakfast for some delicious eggs benedict (seriously the best I have ever had) and some blueberry walnut pancakes with my friend. It's our traditional meal from there, and considering we haven't been there in way over a year, it was necessary to treat ourselves....or for him to treat me.

Once we got back, we said our goodbyes, which wasn't as hard as I thought it would be and yet was way harder than I thought it would be. I'm just in such a confused place, and he makes it clear what I want, and yet everything is so foggy. I know.....none of this makes sense unless you are me.

Anyway I headed to the hardware store to get insulating plastic to cover the windows in my room, because it's getting chilly and decided to make a quick stop into old navy to check their deals on sweaters. Lucky for me they had buy one get one 75% off, so I was able to get 2 sweaters for $18. I should be set for winter now, unless I find some super awesome deals.

Then I put up plastic on the windows, and played my wonderful guitar for an hour. I headed down stairs to do a cardio dance workout video, showered off and made some delicious fahitas for dinner. And suddenly as I sat down to finally work on my paper things got rough.

I just couldn't focus as I thought about decisions that need to be made for my future. My mind wanders to the choices and possibilities and I go crazy with fear and anxiety. Recently I've even thought I need to see a doctor about my anxiety issues, because sometimes it gets really out of control. But today I was able to calm myself down with this thought:

Sometimes I feel so impatient to get to the next point in my life that I forget to stop and marvel at the crazy life that is flying right before my eyes. So in the next few weeks I'm going to try to enjoy the chaos and forget about my future. 

Here goes nothing....

Day 210- November 26th: Dulano's

Today I headed back to the cities, in hopes of completing some homework, and meeting up with a very important person. We watched a movie and then headed to Dulano's Pizza for Bluegrass concerts galore. It was wonderful, except our waitress hated us in so many ways. First we moved tables, then I spilled water everywhere. Oh well, it was a great time and great pizza and some delicious summit!

Day 209- November 25th: a run in.

So today was black friday. I didn't get up at 3am like most people, but around 9 i decided to try my luck and just check out a few stores, since I'm in desperate need of some sweaters that fit. I didn't have much luck, but I did happen to run into one of my best friends from high school. It was great to see him and to catch up on life. Sometimes you just hate running into people from your past, but this was one I was very happy to see.

Day 208-November 24th: Thakfulness

So... it's corny. We go around the table and say something we are thankful for. We actually haven't done this in my family recently, and today I was so rushed to chow down my food before the packer game, that I didn't even think about it. So here I sit, thinking about it days later.  10 things I'm thankful for:
1. Love. It stupid and wonderful. It definitely makes us do dumb things, but it's breathtaking and incredible in every single way. It floods you with joy and with sadness, and causes you to feel things you never thought possible. It's just plain amazing,
2. My ability to choose where I go in life. I can go anywhere I want. Arizona, Texas, China, Thailand, North Dakota, or I can stay here. And I'm grateful for the many options.
3. My education. After this year of working in a room with many under privileged children I have become grateful not only to  attend such stellar schools, but also to grow up in a house hold where education is so valued.
4. The Green Bay Packers and Aaron Rodgers. Seriously. They make my life bearable and they are awesome. Go Pack Go!
5.  My iPod. Where would I be without this? Definitely way more depressed.
6. My two feet. Running has become a true outlet for my frustration, stress, and happiness, all in one. I'm glad I can use these two feet for something so wonderful
7.  My family, mostly for being so supportive of my decisions. I've made some pretty bad ones, and someone has always been there to help me through them.
8. My soul mate, Rebecca Nelson, for always encouraging me to dream big, and eating ice cream or whiskey with me when my dreams fall apart.
9. Second, and maybe even third chances. I'm thankful that I can try to be forgiving of others, and that others can be forgiving of me.
10. Coffee, for keeping me awake and Jameson, for helping me sleep. This year would be impossible without you. I know this one seems shallow, but I have to be honest...these two things are necessary in my life.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Day 207-November 23rd: Browns

It was my first Thanksgiving being able to drink out at the bars. So right after getting home we heading to the Brew Pub for a delicious stout, followed by some Octoberfest. Daryn had 2 more beers while me and Luka chugged some water. Then we did the traditional crossover to Nutz Deep 2, where I ran into my old Arby's manager. It was great to talk to him about life (he's living in the cities working as security manager for IKEA and has a cute little boy) and it was nice to hear another voice that was impressed with my achievements since I left the great roast beef. We quickly chugged our drinks and I took my first trip to Brown's. I plan on never going back. After getting hit on by some random guy, and then running into the entire class of 2008 (only the ones I get annoyed with) I just don't think i'll want to go back. I chugged my whiskey and we headed to the best bar in Marshfield for 2 bloody marys and cheese fries. Yum!

Day 206- November 22: Tacos and Pie

Today after class I went to Sally's with my brother for beer and free tacos. It was a delicious meal, and we followed it up by making our traditional Thanksgiving pies together. It was great to catch up with him and to make my contribution to the Thanksgiving meal. He made a raspberry apple crumb pie, and I made pumpkin cheesecake. Yum! and the Bell's two hearted and tacos weren't bad either.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Day 205-November 21st: new boots and conferences

So today I spent my lunch break shopping for new boots. It has come to my attention that I just simply will not have time to make it to the mall anytime soon, and the boots I wore today have holes in them. are my new black boots and my new brown boots (you have to change the color on the site.) I spent $120 with shipping, which I didn't think was too bad. And they were both rated super well by previous uses and were both listed as "super comfy." I'll probably spend a bit of money on some waterproof spray, but then I should be good to go. I also had conferences tonight. It was truly interesting to me. I got to meet with both the highest and lowest students, but it was wonderful, because Abby found points of work, and points of joy for both students (and all.) You go in trying your best not to judge the parents, but it's so hard when you know what some of the kids go through. I also got to see several of the conferences with a translator, which was quite interesting. I also stopped and got monistat for my yeast infection. Have I mentioned recently that I hate being a girl???

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Day 204-November 20th: packer scarf

Today I finished my first Packer scarf! woohooo! I'm really excited. Also I think I have a yeast infection, which is just on cherry on top of my stress. This morning I finished and turned in my social studies lesson plan, and then I went to work for 3 hours. I would also like to point out that the Green Bay Packers are undefeated (I'd like to thank Jon for the text updates) and that they are incredible!

Day 203-November 19th: moving south

Well today was the first snow of the winter and I'm pissed. I hate this season. It got me really thinking about the fact that maybe, just maybe, I would be really happy moving somewhere warmer. On the way home from work I got stuck in super bad traffic (there was an accident) and then I had to shovel. On the upside while shopping at Kohl's for work today (yes i have the best job ever) I happened upon my running shoes at half off! I spent $54 dollars, but that'll save me $50 when I need to buy shoes next spring. I probably should have spent that money on new boots since I seriously need them, but whatever. I also convinced my co-worker to purchase a pair and I think I'm starting to convince her to run a 5k or 10k with me next summer :) I spent the entirety of my evening working on my Social Studies Lesson plan, which is now almost complete.

Day 202-November 18th: Join the Dance

I ended up working tonight, and boy am I glad that I did. I went to see one of my kids perform in "Join the Dance." This was the coolest performance I have ever seen. They had some of the most incredible dancers dancing with adults and children with disabilities. And all of the songs were performed by the Minnesota Chamber Chorale! Not only did I get to see a really cool performance and meet some of Ben's choreographers, but I got paid to do it. Afterward I went out with my co-worker. We needed to catch up since we hadn't worked together in over 2 weekends. We got some delicious spinach and artichoke dip. It was a wonderful night and it was truly inspirational to see.
here is a link to the Join the Dance site

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Day 201-November 17th: Trials and Dust

Today was one of those days where there is so much thrown at you that you just feel completely overwhelmed. As we discussed our next semester with the creator of our program I could feel the stress building. I start the TPA in January? Oh I have night class 2 times a week for the first 8 weeks and then still once a week? I'm suppose to do full time teaching for 2-3 weeks in March? Why yes, I did sign up to take the 4 hour MTLE exam in January. The one in March? Yep. Got it! Wait!!!!!! This is all supposed to happen in the course of 10 weeks? For real??? By the end of the 20 minute discussion session on when we wanted to have class (someone suggested Friday night, for God's sake!) I was just so frustrated that I left class as fast as I could. And on my way home I got some alright music. And then I got this...

"Happiness, hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink."

What I got from it: Happiness is kicking in, and I'm almost there and if I don't hit these challenges head on, I will never get there. So for a brief 2 minutes I considered quitting the program. But, watch out world. I'm going to take your TPA, your MTLE exams, your EL class, your seminar, your full time teaching and I'm going to show you what Tiara is really all about. I'm not a quitter, so why would I become one now. I'm going to take each and every thick block of cement the U has placed in front of me and I'm going to blast it into tiny pieces of dust. Here I come world.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Day 200- November 16: realism

I rarely ever post the morning of the day I'm posting for, but I know precisely how today is going to go. It will end in pure and utter stress from tacking on a night class to my already crazy schedule. But it will be wonderful, because I'm treating myself to dinner out with my ILP girls at Annies. Burgers and Milkshakes here we come! I'm also going to try to workout after class. Wish me luck!

Yesterday I started to get insanely realistic about my choices for next year. Never a good thing. I should still be dreaming at this point. Sometimes I feel like I should just buy a globe, have someone blind fold me, spin it super fast and point my finger on any location. And that is where I should move. Maybe it will still get to that point, but for right now I have class to get to.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Day 199- November 15th: The Gash

So today was a long day. I found myself almost immediately zoning out during my reading class. I also had to keep constantly trying my mechanic. (yes poor little civic is sick again :( ) I finally got a hold of him and will be taking the car in to hopefully get it fixed on Thursday. This means, that unfortunately I will have to miss my conferences. But, as I pointed out yesterday, I'm a human being. Anyway this song came on while I was walking home. "Will the fight for your sanity, be the fight of your life?"

Day 198- November 14th: Still a human being

Today as my social studies teacher gave us stipulations for our microteaching, she mentioned something that I thought was noteworthy. She said, "You are not just a teacher, you are all still human beings." This struck me, and so I took the night off from doing any sort of work whatsoever, and watched the packer game, at legends, where I spent 12 dollars on drinks. I tried really hard not to feel bad.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Day 197-November 13th: a picture from my mother

My mom sent me this in my email inbox today and I loved it!

Day 196-November 12th: Fargo

I left for my trip to Fargo today, and I had a great time. I met a friend there and we went out for drinks and super nice cheese plate and surf and turf dinner. I should have taken pictures. It was delicious. Then we spent our night catching up, relaxing, and talking about the future. After many long conversations about what I want I'm sure about one thing and one thing only: I want to be a teacher. A complete 180 in my life....right? Also, I'm in love, thus complicating my life for forever.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Day 195-November 11th: 11/11/11

Wow! it's 11/11/11! amazing. Anyway today we had a grading day for inservice. We spent our morning learning about blogging (I didn't really learn that much) since our kids have started blogging about their books. Next week they will be blogging about their dreams for their future, and when parents come in for conferences we are going to have them respond to their students dream. I can also go in and read what students wrote about their books and comment on them, or ask them questions. It's so cool! You can also respond to their posts!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Day 194-November 10th: A lot of rainfall

Today was a really rough day. The kids were insane, and it was one of those days where I really didn't understand why I chose this as my career. I got home and hit a mental breakdown point when my English Language professor emailed me saying that I'd have to start my papers over because the student I was studying left. Therefore on top of all the teaching I will be doing next time I'm at the school I will also have to find three 20 min sessions for interviews with an individual kid, and time to re-write two papers and complete a third. Upon reading this something clicked and I started sobbing just thinking about all the stress of next few weeks. Luckily my teacher sent me home with some window markers :) Here is what I did with them:
"It takes a lot of rainfall for trees to grow big and strong"

"Ask Yourself: How do I want to grow today?"

Day 193-November 9th: scared shitless

Every semester I've been in college I have made myself a CD mix with my favorite songs. It's my way of recording that portion of my life. This year I haven't been doing so well. It's November and I'm still not done with it! And what I do have is sadly all Ryan Adams (as usual.) Anyway today a song came on while I was working out. A great, but old song. Anyway the following lyrics are the ones I felt.
"We all have wings, but some of us don't know why."
Not sure what my wings are for, or where exactly they will lead me. And I'm scared absolutely shitless about it. I always have a plan. I'm known for always being on time, and always being very focused on my future. So for me to look myself in the mirror and ask, "Where are you going?" is a huge deal, because I've never not known.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Day 192-November 8th: I want to be a teacher :)

There are some days where I am so confident in my choice to become a teacher that all parts of my life fade away. Today was one of those days. I had a great writing in response to lit lesson, and I got to discuss Cooperation with the kids. I also saw a few students really advance in our math class today, which is always encouraging. Also, as a note to myself, if I ever end up adopting a cute little boy from Africa and get to name him, I shall name him Abdiaziz, after my favorite student. (I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but if you met this kid you would have a favorite too.)

Monday, November 7, 2011

Day 191-November 7th: Math Interview and Eid

We had a ton of students gone today for the celebration of Eid. Anyway it was an okay day. The students were mostly calm, since there weren't so many of them, screaming for more classrooms with fewer students in each class. We got to read a book on Neil Armstrong today :) My pick for a vocabulary book, because it's a social studies non-fiction book and I'm going to integrate social studies anyway I can. This afternoon I had my math interview on fractions. I love when students are excited to work with me. Today the 5th grader I worked with asked diligently if he would get to work with me everyday. I sadly had to respond no. I worked super hard on my math paper, since I got a C on the last one (probably part of my reason for the depression.) This is the first (and hopefully only) C I will ever get. I think I did a great job on it. I cited a lot of evidence and reviewed it 2 times, unfortunately I forgot about finishing my laundry or the reading I was supposed to do tonight. I'll catch up on everything eventually.....

I fell in love with a song today :) I'll just let it tell you how I feel.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Day 190-November 6th: Without you

New guilty pleasure song.
Today was a good day. I woke up super early due to dumb daylight savings, but I went for a 3 mile run at 7am, and did some homework. Then I went to work and got to do a lot of different stuff with the kids, so it went really quick, and I was able to watch the nail biting packer game.

Also, I got some of the best texts ever today :D

Day 189-November 5th: my pledge

Today I got to discussing my future with someone I love very much. It was a good conversation, because it really got me to thinking about the fact that I have no plan. As much as I wish I could live the life he was suggesting (that of traveling and never settling down) it is something that is impossible to do as a teacher. Traveling has always been a unexplored dreams that gets shoved to the side as I think about all the impracticalities of it. Firstly it's expensive. Although the majority of my lucky fellow college students took part in a study abroad program I opted to save my money and graduate a year early. I just couldn't make my 60 grand of debt 70 grand of debt. Secondly, I've always been undecided about where I want to go and what I want to do there. Thirdly, I'm not the kind of girl who can live out of a backpack and have things constantly chaging. I'm not a fan of change, to say the least. But, it's a real dream, and I should do it. And so, this is a pledge to myself that I will spend at least 1-3 years volunteering or teaching in other countries. Not sure where I'll go or what I'll be doing, but I want to do it. I still feel completely and utterly crazy, but I think I'm getting back to a semi normal state of mind. At least I'm considering options rather than just agreeing to one.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Day 188-November 4th: The ghost has got me runnin....

Highlight of my week? Pizza with my girls tonight! and falling in love with a new Ryan Adams song.
I had inservice today, which was actually partly helpful. I got to help make individualized lesson plans, and I volunteered to help with some kids in Readers Workshop. Hoping this will help me explore the literacy coach side of possibilities.

Day 187-November 3rd: Love and Inspiration

Today was a rough day indeed. The kids were crazy, given we do not have school tomorrow, and I had a rough night emotionally. I broke up with my boyfriend tonight, and while it was hard I'm surprised at how well I'm taking it. I think that partly I'm just too busy to even notice, but also I think I know it was the right thing to do, and I'm really happy with my decision. Where do I go from here? I have a few ideas, but I'm not going to share them just yet. They are for me to consider, and I'll let everyone know when I figure it out. This was my quote today, and it seemed super fitting:
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
- Ella Fitzgerald

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Day 186-November 2nd: The crazier side of me

In the last 24 hours I would say that I have gone crazy. Yes, some people who talk to me in the near future will probably think I belong in an insane asylum, and maybe I do. But I'm happy, so all you people who think I'm crazy can get of your high horses and stop judging me for the decisions I make. Yes, they may be crazy, stupid decisions given past experiences (that you will say I should have learned from.) But, if they are decisions that will make me happy then you can all go shove a sock in it. --Unless you have something nice to say, like my dear friend Rebecca Nelson, who pointed out how "insanely" happy I looked. :D

Also, I had a really wonderful day as a teacher today. I think I would like to be a teacher when I grow up. Maybe.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Day 185-November 1st: Tickets!

Today was a long day. I was at the school for 10 hours and came home and did another 2.5 hours of homework. Super tired. Anyway, I taught a great integrations lesson today that the students loved :) It made me super happy. Anyway when I got home these wonderful things were sitting in front of my door.

That's right! Ryan Adams tickets! woohooo!!!! cannot wait until December.

Day 184-October 31st: Back to Teaching

Today was quite a day. It was my first day back at the school, and the day I was observed by my science professor for my science lesson. So many things have changed, including losing two of my favorite students. It was kind of exciting and nerve racking to immediately be thrown back into the teacher role, but I survived the day, and my lesson when alright. All in all I'm still unsure of what I want, but after today I'm a bit more sure that I'm at least on the right path. I'm starting to think that eventually I really want to go back to school to specialize in reading and become a reading coach.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Day 183-October 30th: Trying

I'm trying my best to continue to work through stuff. I finally had to force myself to finish my lesson plan tonight (since I'm teaching it tomorrow for a final grade.) That wasn't stressful at all.....not! But I just finished it and printed it out. I'm hoping with everything in my that teaching for the next two weeks will convince me that I'm doing the right thing with my life, but I'm not sure. Everyone always says that your occupations isn't who you are, it's what you do. That's just not true for a teacher. If I become a teacher it will be WHO I am, not just something I do. I'm either gonna give it my all or I just won't be able to live with myself. Anyway I'm super far behind in work since I spent 3 days doing essentially nothing.

Day 182- October 29th: My day off

I took today off of work and had a day date with my best friend. We had a really nice long talk over lunch about our lives and where they are going/lack of direction. And we had chinese which was incredible, followed by Dairy Queen which was also incredible. I listened to more music and this was the song that got me through.

Also, I had the best costume ever tonight. I was Mrs. Aaron Rodgers. I love playing pretend :)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Day 181-October 28th: Kegger!

So today was a bit better than yesterday. All the sugar I had really messed me up, and I was on edge for the majority of the morning but I received the following text from a friend over my lunch hour: "Trees don't grow tall without quite a bit of rainfall." Even though I texted back that I was drowning this made so much sense to me. I'm growing and all I can do is keep trying not to drown and grow taller.

We had a party at our house tonight and I'd like to say that I think I'm sufficiently done with my college partying days. I just haven't had fun with it recently. Anyway I posted a few pics below.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Day 180-October 27th: My Uncertainty

I had a major freakout today. I know I said I had a major freakout on Sunday, but that was nothing compared to today. I'm not exactly sure what made me click, but suddenly on my way home from class it was just like "What the hell am I doing with my life?" I've just reached a point where I'm so uncertain what I want, that I started doubting my very existence. I came home and tried to do homework, but I was shaking so hard I literally could not hold my highlighter. So I baked, and I ate cookies. 5 to be exact. Then I went for a walk to my thinking place and nearly threw up because I was sobbing so hard. After calming myself for a bit I kept walking and my music helped a bit. I came home and finished a bit of homework and decided to take the night off. So I did. I watched TV and ate lots of unhealthy food. I had a great talk with my roomie about life, and I feel a bit better, but I still feel like crap. I looked through a lot of my quotes and some of them really helped me realize what I need to change, but one in particular made me realize that I'm doing a lot of things right. Here it is:

“Faith is the ability to find beauty in all circumstance. Will is the ability to follow faith where it leads each individual and make something out of the randomness.”- Daryn Christenson

 Really, all I can do right now is have faith that I'm making the right decisions for my future, and that everything will work itself out. 

Day 179: October 26th: MN History Center

Today was a weird day. I had a bad morning in class, as I officially got back my first paper with a C for a grade :( I've lost all hope of receiving all A's this semester, but I've come to terms with it. There is too much going on for me to worry about getting a couple of B's in grad school.
In the afternoon we went of a field trip for Social Studies (best class ever!) While we were there we had to create a lesson plan for a group of students that focused on 1 or several components of Social Studies. We went to the "home" exhibit, which shows a home through a span of 80 years and how it changed. It is an actual home in MN, and it was so cool. For our lesson plan we decided we would have the students take the perspective of a robber, and decide which 3 things they would steal from each room and write about why these 3 things would have been valuable in the time. Then we would go over the progression of value through that time period and try to figure out what types of things were similar.

Day 178: October 25th: poor little civic

I got in my car this evening to do homework and poor little civic was making a weird noise. I have to take him to the shop to get fixed. My precise words to him were, "Civic, you can't do this. Mama doesn't have time to deal with you right now." He didn't listen...

Monday, October 24, 2011

Day 177-October 24th: Green Eyes

I spent the majority of my evening finishing up my  first draft of my science lesson plan and doing more reading. While working on the lesson plan I listened to music and this song came on and made me extremely happy :)

Day 176- October 23rd:acomplishments

More work on science lesson planning in the morning, work in the afternoon, and butternut squash soup making in the evening along with reading. It was a day of great accomplishments.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Day 175-October 22nd: Breakdown

I had one of the worst days ever. My day at work started by driving the minivan to Golden Valley to drop Sam off at basketball practice at the courage center. I was then suppose to use the GPS to find a nearby target to take Hannah to. There we would pick up some things needed for the house and partake in Hannah's favorite past time (feeling bottles.) The GPS first kept telling me to turn down streets that didn't exist. An hour later when I arrived at "Target" I discovered I was at the corporate offices. I found the next nearest target on the GPS, and it took me downtown! It was only my second time driving the minivan, and by the time I would have parked and walked with Hannah(who moves very slow) I would have had to turn around to pick Sam up. So, I just headed back to the courage center. Once there I had a major freakout thinking I had locked the keys in the van. Luckily they were just in the side pocket of my purse.

In the evening I spent the majority of my time working on my science lesson plan, which is becoming more and more frustrating as time goes on. After 6 hours of work and feeling like I had accomplished nothing, I began sobbing on my boyfriend couch. He immediately put on Ryan Adams for me and cuddled with me. Then we looked at funny pictures online and laughed our asses off for awhile. He is so wonderful to me, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. :D

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Day 174- October 21st: Roomie dinner

So I had this really great idea when we all moved in, that once a month or so we should have a dinner where all the roommates pitched in. In September Becky's mother cooked us dinner one night, and I decided we needed to do one in October, and that we should carve pumpkins. So we did. A few pictures from the night:

Day 173- October 19th: About the learning

Good old happy hour with the brother today was wonderful :) Also, one of my teachers said something that really opened my eyes. We were watching a video in class and someone asked a question (I was zoning out, so i don't know what it was) and she replied with, "Well you have to remember that it's not about the teaching as much as it is about the learning." Amazing how little things like this still get me.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Day 172-October 19th: Winter Clothes

Today I received my box of winter clothes, so I spent my evening looking through and sorting them as well as putting my summer clothes in storage. Super excited for my warm sweaters in my freezing house.

Day 171- October 18th: Chilly Billys

Tonight after finally getting some reading done me and John treated ourselves to Chilly Billy's. And they had delicious pumpkin flavored frozen yogurt. Yum :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 170- October 17th: new list

So today as I sat watching one of my favorite YouTube video's in Social Studies I decided I need to make a list of things to remind about why I'm doing what I'm doing. Every once in awhile I sit and wonder to myself if this is too hard of a job for me and if I will be successful. Here is my list:
1. Think about all the wonderful teachers I have had in my life, and the way they changed me.
2. Read the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.
3. Listen to the song "I Hear Them All" by OCMS and remember that every kid matters.
4. Think about a success I had with a student (AA finally understand the number line method in math, YP telling me he loved the book I read aloud to him.)
5. Watch this video.

Day 169-October 16th: from funny to serious

Today was a fun play day. I was supposed to read 140 pages and only got 25 read, but it was a wonderful day. I started out my morning with Becky and Erik drinking bloody marys at Legends and "doing homework." I actually did accomplish 25 pages of reading during this hour and half, but that was just not good enough for me. Then I proceeded to watch the Packer game and part of Forest Gump. John came over to do homework but we ended up going out to dinner with his sister and then spent some serious time cuddling. By this point it was already 9:30, so I just went to bed.
best way to study ever!

Day 168-October 15th: work/play

Today I worked 7 hours and luckily they gave me sunday off so I got to play tonight. playing isn't as fun as I remember it. I think I should have just gone to bed or tried to get caught up in homework.....

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Day 167-October 14th: Inservice

Today we had inservice. It was really super dumb. We spent more of our time talking about data we hadn't seen and the achievement gap. Yes, we all already know there is an achievement gap. Let's spend our time looking for solutions rather than looking at the data we already understand. Dumb.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Day 166-October 13th: Hear a song

I found this scribbled on a page in a super duper old notebook. I was cleaning it out to use for school purposes and most of the pages got thrown in the garbage, but this one got saved :)

"There is a moment in everyones life when they hear a song and feel it everywhere. It moves through them and for awhile they feel like its their own and no one else's. In that moment they feel what it is to truly be alive and whole."

I'm glad to have had so many of these moments in my life.

Day 165-October 12th: BWW

Today was a super exhausting day, for whatever reason. But me and my man took the night off and went out for dinner. We got wings and onion rings from Buffalo Wild Wings. It was great to just hang out and talk about our lives. Great night :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day 164-October 11th: new CD

Today the new Ryan Adams CD came out, and my boyfriend was nice enough to drive me to get it after I was done with all my after school meetings :)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Day 163-October 10th: best song ever!

So I was debating what to write about in my blog today since I had such a great day of school teaching, but I also really enjoyed seeing my boyfriend as well. Luckily as I got in the car this song came on and answered my question for me. Love this song, and I super felt it tonight.

Day 162-October 9th: Aunt TT again! or just TT....

So I found this out about 6 weeks ago, but we were keeping it secret. I'm going to be an Aunt again. So excited!

Day 161-October 8th: camping with my kidos

I went camping with 2 of the kids I work with this weekend. It was a blast, but 44 hours of work after a 40 hour work week plus school work really puts you out. My thought it that now I can afford to take a few sundays off in November/December to keep up with school work. It rained for the majority of the weekend, which was hard, but we survived. When we did get to walk we found some cool stuff. First we found a Beaver Dam and then we found a frozen snake. Pretty cool if you ask me. We also created some crafts, and I became a professional fly killer. For real though. I think I killed more than 100 flies this weekend.
Jen, Jess, and Me prepared to kill all the flies.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Day 160-October 7th: Chaos

I can't wait until I get to the point in teaching where everything does not feel like complete chaos. Some chaos will be acceptable, but not so much. Today I was put in charge of the students for the last hour of the day(with a sub) and it went okay. She said she thought I did a wonderful job. I thought it was a bit chaotic, but I was doing an assignment for the U. An assignment that I thought was not appropriate for our students. 25 spelling words is just too much for our students to sit through all at once in a large group. but that was the way I was supposed to do it, so I did. Next week I hopefully will get to do a bit more teaching :) but for now I'm off to a 42 hour work weekend! hurray for camping!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Day 159- October 6th: how to get over your doubts

Every once and awhile as I sit in my classroom or work with students, or most commonly when I'm put in charge of the students, I think to myself, "Oh my god, I cannot do this, I'm going to be the worst teacher ever." Today was one of those days. I was put in charge of the students for a mere 15 minutes, so I could complete one of my assignment. Unfortunately, among all the chaos of writing papers last night I forgot to prepare how to give the directions. This is something that takes a lot longer to learn that you would thing, especially when you have English Learners in your classroom. Chaos insued: I forgot I was suppose to take one of the groups on the side to read the questions aloud to them, and forgot to ask my cooperating teacher what she would like them to do when they were done. After discussing this with my teacher we decided that it would be best if for my assignment tomorrow I write out directions beforehand. Additionally she is giving me the last hour of the day to be completely in charge of the students while she has a sub. Exciting! and nerve racking! But how to get I over my doubts? By trying more and more to prove to myself that I can do this. This is what I want to do, and I'm not a quitter. So I turn up my music, then I force myself to take time to run. I only ran for 10 minutes, but it helped. Then I look up inspirational quotes. This is the one I found today.

"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
-Aldous Huxley

So that's my plan. I'm going to take what happens to me and use it to grow and learn.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Day 158-October 5th: group discussion

Today I got to start my assignments in school. My goal was to write two 5 page papers tonight, i wrote 4 pages of one and 2 pages of the other. I did an interview with students today about social studies. They didn't know hardly anything, and it made me very sad, because our school doesn't teach social studies. They don't know the difference between cities, states, and countries. When I asked them about famous people from other countries one girls response was "I think Katy Perry is from California." I also got the response of Michael Jackson and Hannah Montana. The fact that they could only list pop stars makes me very sad. They also did not know how someone became the president, or about any other government figures. When I asked about taxes they said they were used to pay rent.

All in all it was a long day. The children all were misbehaving and I had a migraine for the majority of the day. Here is to hoping that tomorrow will be better :)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Day 157-October 4th: I know what it means!

Today during Readers Workshop I was asked to pull 4 students of my choosing to read to me for 7-10 minutes and then to do a short reading conference with them to tell them about their strengths and what one reading goal (or strategy) to work on. The last student I pulled happens to be one of our lowest readers and he was reading a Dr. Seuss book. I find these books wonderful examples for rhyming patterns, but hard to follow. During our session I taught him to look for rhyming words for hints and to always think about if, when he got to the end of the page he understood what the page meant. During our math class he volunteered to read our story problem, and at the end of finishing it exclaimed "I know what it means!" I love my job. I also had to do way to much discipling of students today, so i hope they are better tomorrow since I'm starting all my assignments :S Hello chaos and reflection/analysis papers.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Day 156-October 3rd: Back to School

Today was my first day back at my elementary school. It was amazing to see how much the kids have grown in the last 2 weeks (at least most of them.) As I was looking at some of the kids today I was thinking about where they might be in 10 year. Some of my thoughts were utterly scary. But I decided I'm going to push all the bad thoughts out of my mind and pretend like every single student will grow up to be a doctor or lawyer, or engineer, because who is to say that they won't? certainly not me....

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Day 155-October 2nd: done for....

So today was originally the day I was supposed to run 10 miles, then it was the day I was supposed to attend the Packer game at Lambeau. I did neither. I just ended up tracking a few of my friends updates online about running the twin cities marathon, and I watched the packer game. at this point in my evening (7:30) I'm ready for bed. I had a bloody mary and 1 beer and I'm done for. That's all.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Day 154-October 1st: Diploma!

This finally came in the mail today :)

Day 153-September 30th: Love is Gray

So today I was finally able to spend some time running (did i mention i twisted my ankle last week?) I was able to do a glorious 2 miles. This song came on while I was running and these lyrics seriously hit me:

"There is so much more in love than black and white...."

If there is anything I've been learning A LOT about since I've come to college it's love, and how many different kinds of it there are. There is no such thing as "one true love." I love a lot of people, and most of them in many many different ways. There is no one explanation, and no one definition. In fact, I decided to look up the definition in the dictionary. There are so many versions, 9 for the noun, and one for the verb to be exact. And none of these even begin to describe what I personally think love is.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Day 152-September 29th: Roomie Wall

Tonight I finally decorated the plain white wall in our living room I ordered 12 pictures (each with multiple roommates in it) and then when to Jo-Ann Fabric and bought half a yard of fabric. Then I took cardboard and cut it in the shape of picture frames and covered the cardboard with the fabric and put the pictures in the middle. Then I hung the pictures on the wall. It looks sweet!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Day 151-September 28th: MTLE

Stressed out. about things that aren't even happening this year. Today I signed up for my professional exams. scary :S I had to be careful about choosing dates, because there are so many exams in the next 9 months. Since my Teacher Performance Assessment is pre-scheduled for the second week in February I decided to do my Content exam right after I get back from break. That way my methods courses will be fresh in my mind, but i'll have winter break to study. I then schedules my Pedagogy exam for the beginning of march. This way I can spend spring break (end of February) studying! So all in all I have 2 really fun and exciting breaks planned for this year!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Day 150-September 27th: impact

I was walking home from class today and thinking about something quite strange. I was thinking about how it just happens to be that the people you want to leave the least impact on your life are often the people who change you and who you become the most. As I was thinking about this a wonderful song by Florence and the Machine came on my iPod. The lyrics are forever engraved in my mind. "Leave all your love and your longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive." These hit me like a ton a bricks, and I'm not quite sure why.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Day 149-September 26th: Social Studies

I just have to say that I love my social studies class, and that I think it is very sad that we no longer teach it in Elementary Schools. Stupid No Child Left Behind and the dumb tests that say social studies doesn't matter. I think in our society, culture and history are some of the most important things we can have our students study. I could rant on and on, but I have a ton of reading to do...

Day 148-September 25th: re-arange

Today I re-aranged my room. I was having serious issues sleeping when the guys next door were loud and there was an extreme draft from my window. So I moved my bed further away from the window and moved my desk next to the window, which I love :)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Day 147- September 24th: Orchid

My boyfriend surprised me with this wonderful present :) now if only i knew how to care for it.....

Day 146- September 23rd: A change of heart about Math

Today was a long day. I gotta say Language Arts used to be my favorite subject because I thought there was so much to it, and so many ways of thinking. Math used to be my least favorite subject, because I thought everything was so concrete. My methods courses are teaching me the exact opposite. There is one way to teach kids to read. For real. They say you should base it off the kids, but they are so precise about the order you need to go in and the books you need to read and how you need to read them. It's ridiculous. However, in math I'm learning that kids look at the problems in way different ways and that there are so many ways to solve for the problems. Studying how kids learn math has been very intriguing for me. Plus I LOVE my math professor. Which is wonderful since she is my Practicum University supervisor as well! (I have 6 total supervisors....)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Day 145- September 22nd: My realization about teaching

As I'm sitting in my second half of class today, completely exhausted and overwhelmed from my plethora of information and long assignment list,  I come to this strange realization: I used to believe that being a good teacher was all about believing in your students. Give them enough encouragement and certainly eventually they will learn how to read or multiply. This could not be further from the truth. As time has gone on I have begun to doubt my ability to teach in any way, shape, or form. No matter how much encouragement you give a child they will still hear that voice in the back of their head that convinces them that they will fail.

This is the same voice that tells me I will fail as a teacher. No matter how many time I hear the words "you're going to be a great teacher someday" or "Your doing a great job at helping teach the students" I will never believe it until I actually succeed.

The only way to ensure students learn is to teach them. It is amazing how long it has taken me to get to this very simple and basic fact.

Day 144-September 21st: secret study spot

Tonight I did homework. Some reading, but mostly I spent the night trying to prepare an email for my cooperating teacher about everything that it going on and the 5 assignments I have to do when I'm back at my school in October. It took me 2 hours to do....yikes! John was over and me, John, and Becky did homework in our new secret homework spot. Which clearly isn't that secret because Gretchen knew where we were almost right after she got home....

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Day 143-September 20th: Half Priced Aps

Once a semester I get together with a few of my friends from Marshfield for half priced aps at applebees. Tonight was that night. It's always nice to catch up with them and I get delicious spinach and artichoke dip and half a chocolate lava cake for under $8. Once I leave tip the total is about 10 dollars. What a great deal and a great way to catch up with friends.

Day 142-September 19th: Happy Hour at Republic

Today after class I went and got my bike fixed (thank god it didn't cost money,) and then headed to Republic for Happy Hour with my big brother. It was nice to see him again. We rarely saw each other when we lived together, but those mornings of goofing off about the packers and the weekends of making tater are well missed. Also, it should be noted that Republic is officially our favorite bar on campus. They have 26 beers on tap, and I think there are about 6 I would dislike. It was so hard to choose which ones to try....which is why we will probably end up going back soon.

Day 141-September 18th: The Weepies

Today I spent the majority of my day blowing my nose and catching up on reading assignments. I listened to my Bon Iver pandora station which played this wonderful song that I fell in love with :)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Day 140- September 17th: The Nelson Girls

I spent most of my day in bed just relaxing and napping. It's hard to focus on getting better when I finally have free time, and there is so much I want to get done in it. I was supposed to start work today, but didn't want to pass along whatever I have to a family of 13, so I called in for the entire weekend. I miss those kids  so much!

Becky's (my roommate) mother was visiting today and her, Becky, and Becky's sister cooked us a delicious meal of salad, bread, steak, rice, peanut sauce, and asparugus. Not to mention wine (filled with antioxidants.) So props to the Nelson girls for a delicious dinner!

After dinner I was suppose to go to a going away party, Ke$ha themed party, and a housewarming party, but opted to just go to bed at 8:30 instead. It was a good choice.

Day 139-September 16th: sick

I woke up with a small sore throat today. By the end of the day at school my small sore throat was awful. I went to the store and got ingredients to make some soup. I planned on going to bed at like 8:30, unfortunately, the boys next door were having a small (but loud) get together. Luckily, the best boyfriend in the world came and picked me up when he got off of work at midnight. He forced liquids on me and gave up his bed and slept on the couch so that I could get a good night sleep. He also made me breakfast in the morning, including loads of fruit and "fancy toast." I seriously have the best man ever.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Day 138- September 15th: This Years Love

This is one of my favorite songs to listen to in the fall. I'm not sure why in the fall, since it's all about "this year" and new beginnings, but it just seems like a fall song to me. It came on my iPod while I was running tonight and I felt it so whole and completely.

Day 137- September 14th: Guilty Pleasure

Today was a super long day. woke up at 5:45, and luckily got to spend 30 minutes with my man (he watched me check my email and put on make-up.) What a fantastic man I have! Then I went to school from 7-4, followed by class from 4:30-7:30. Heard this song on my way home, and it's definitely my guilty pleasure song.