Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Day 277- January 31st: New Orleans

I listened to Trampled by Turtles as I edited papers tonight. Wow. I love them so much. I fell in love with about 4 songs but here is one. The lyrics are equivalent of my biggest fear.

She followed the man she loved
All the way to New Orleans
She come back broken-hearted and mean

She tried to escape the pain
But sometimes it's all that's real
It's no excuse for living pain free, that's the deal

It's a bitch, ain't it babe
To live while you're young
I'm crushed that the world turned over so soon

A pile of old memories
Just lying all aroud
Seems like everywhere I look I've fallen to the ground

And I can't help it if it's over babe
You can't help it, though you tried
Your poor little soul is wearing pretty thin

It's a bitch, ain't it babe
To live while you're young
I'm crushed that the world turned over so soon

Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 276-January 30th: a long run :)

Today I went for what I hoped would be a 4 mile run. It turned into a 4.6 mile run. Love it! I did a lot of thinking while I was running and I thought I would add the list of things I've been given. (see post from a few weeks ago.)
1. Legs to run. How lucky am I that I can work out and enjoy it?
2. Hot sexy legs. Don't pretend you aren't jealous. They are full of scars and I used to hate that but now I love it! Especially the one from Superbowl weekend last year. What a great memory.
3. While we are on the topic of good looks I'd like to say that I have been given one hell of a set of boobs. Thanks for the great genes rents :)
4. Serious time management skills. (Or I just don't have a social life. Which works for me too....at least for now.)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Day 275-January 29th: epiphany

Last night at the bar I had some great epiphanies.

1. If I had to choose any song to listen to every time I walked into a door for the rest of my life it would be the "go pack go!" anthem. (we had like an hour long conversation before we realized this was the best option.)

2. If I ever get married I will not have flowers in my bouquet, but will fill it with beer bottles and little bottles of Jameson.

3. I gave up way to easily last October and it will be one of my major life regrets. I didn't give it my all because I was too exhausted from everything else. That's not who I am, and I'm disappointed in myself.

4.  I'd be settling for something comfortable rather than searching for something extraordinary, and that's not me either.

I'm sorry if some of those don't make sense, but that's all I'm going to give you. If you can't figure it out then it's none of your business.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day 274-January 28th: satisfied?

Every time someone asks me if I have a significant other I have to laugh. I have no time for such a thing. Part of me misses it, and yet the other part of me is satisfied with being single and focusing on myself right now. I'm torn....

I know one thing that satisfies me. Brownies with peanut butter on the top.

And Stormy Weather IPA.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Day 273-January 27th: The roller coaster

I'm sitting at a coffee shop working on this thesis and suddenly I almost break down crying. My life is such a roller coaster right now and all I want to do is cruise along for a while, not chugging up any hills or screaming down any. But it seems as though there is no such thing as a straight and level path in this world. There are a lot of curves, and there is no way to see around them to know where the path will go.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day 272-January 26th: First Aid Training

Not only did I have boring inservice all day long today I also had a 4 hour first aid/cpr training class. The guy started out the class by saying the take away message would be "fast and hard." Enough said.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Day 271- January 25th: Paradise

I had a wonderful 50 minutes workout tonight. I didn't get much work done on my paper, but I'm starting to be less nervous about it when I have class and see that some students haven't even written their lessons yet. Anyway this song came on on my way home from the gym and got me thinking about life. This song describe how I feel about life and sleep right now.

When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew away from her reach soShe ran away in her sleepand dreamed ofPara-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradiseEvery time she closed her eyes
When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew away from her reachand the bullets catch in her teethLife goes on, it gets so heavyThe wheel breaks the butterflyEvery tear a waterfallIn the night the stormy night she'll close her eyesIn the night the stormy night away she'd fly

Day 270-January 24th: Time to go back....

I would say it is now officially time to go back to getting very little sleep at night, and doing homework from 4-11. All I wanted to do tonight was go to the gym and run, but I ended up at the nearest coffee shop with a cup of tea. I really just want this paper to be done and off my to-list so that I can start preparing for the next licensing test, and start teaching more. On a side note I'm going to start teaching a lit circle next week and I cannot wait to have the group read stuart little!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day 269-January 23rd: too long

it has been too long....far too long. This girl is going absolutely crazy. Paper writing is not going well, lesson planning is not going well, and homework is not going well. I cannot focus on anything!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Day 268-January 22nd: early morning walks and runs.

I fell asleep super early last night, so I woke up this morning, planning on doing some work on my paper. My roommate also happened to be up, so we walked to dinkytown at 6:30am to get some breakfast. Then I came back and went for a short outdoor run, which I think can be considered my real first winter run ever. It wasn't too bad, but I only did 2 miles. Then I made a cup of warm coffee and started doing some work. I didn't get too much done at all. My boss called to tell me not to come to work because the roads were icy, so I went to the gym and did some lifting and a little bit of jogging. Then I came home and watched football all day long! Epic fail on the paper writing. I think I succeeded in writing about 1-2 pages total. AGH! It's too much! There is also a great quote posted below:

Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.
- Thomas Carlyle

My "at hand" for today is football.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Day 267-January 21st: Traffic Jam

Today I dealt with my first major traffic jam. It was awful! I was stuck standing still for 20 minutes and then got to inch forward for another 30, until I was forced off 694. I was working and driving a child to basketball practice and had no idea of another route, so I ended up completely lost. Yuck! I'm now working on lesson plans and have opened a delicious stout to help me forget the awfulness of the morning.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Day 266-January 20th: Roomie dinner italian style

Tonight was roomie dinner night, italian style. 3 pasta dishes, garlic bread, salad, and 4 bottles of wine. The food was wonderful, but the conversation could have been a bit more appropriate. Discussions of drunken nights, random hookups, breast milking (and other forms of milking) ensued. But what can you expect from six 20-22 year olds?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Day 265-January 19th: Do You Realize???

I taught my first TPA lesson today and it was not the best, but I survived and learned. It's always hard to get into that teacher role when you haven't taught any full lessons for a few days. Thus from here on out I'm going to try to teach at least 1 full group lesson a day.
On a side note, as I froze my ass off on my way to work this morning, stopping for gas on the way (can't let it get under half a tank now,) this song came on:
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

Day 264- January 18th: ahead of schedule

For class next week we got assigned to bring in a rough draft of our TPA lesson. I'm already teaching mine. Am I ahead of schedule? I don't think so....I already feel behind.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Day 263-January 17th: Passion

Today I was thinking about how jealous I am of all these people who think they have life tough when so many things are given to them. People whose rent is paid by their parents. People who can afford to eat out for every meal. Those few people whose parents give them a credit card to pay for gas and food. They people whose parents pay for college only to find that their children spend it partying away.

And then I realized that a lot has been given to me. I have a car, and paid for insurance, not to mention that my parents help me out when it's broken down. I have a phone that is paid for by my parents. Not to mention that I have parents that are willing to take out loans for me, fully placing their faith in the fact that I will prove to them that the investment was worth it. And that just represents the expenses they have given to me.

Now let's move on to the values I've been given. I understand the value of hard work and trying your best. I'm not lazy. On most days (other than the last 2) I'm very hard working, not even giving myself a long enough break to eat. Now to save time I'm going to skip over a bunch of values I've been given to the one that has inspired this post.

Passion. Some people are never lucky enough to find their passion. And I've found mine. In fact, I've been lucky enough to find a few :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Day 262-January 16th: If I am a stranger

Love this song!

Day 261-January 15th: depressed

What a rough day! I found the Packer radio network and listened intently to the game on my way home from work. Upon walking in the door I chugged a beer. The amount of alcohol that followed is unknown. I know that I took one shot for each dropped pass, and had at least 3 whiskey gingers. I made some depressed cookies.....and forgot the sugar. After the game I went out for a delicious and needed bloody mary.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Day 260-January 14th: A Day of trials and rewards

What a day.

I started by waking up and immediately saying to myself "Go Pack Go!" Then I chowed down some eggs and an apple for breakfast and drove to Brooklyn Park to take my Minnesota Teacher Licensure Examination. It was a rough one, as I mentally made it through all 150 questions,  as quickly as possible. Then I came home, chowed down a handful of almonds and headed to the gym to run a mile and put in 3 miles on the elliptical. Nothing like a good work out :) I came home completely mentally and physically exhaused. I chowed down some leftover mexican hot dish, an orange, and a chocolate chip cookie (courtesy of my roommate.) Then I allowed myself and hour of rest on the couch, watching cupcake wars.

Becky and I had a study afternoon plan, so we headed to Overflow Cafe for a good 4 hours of studying/writing. Studying for her (she takes her LSAT next month) and writing for me (my thesis is due in less than a month and I just started it 3 days ago.) I finished the majority of the first section: my lesson plan (totaling 12 pages for now (will end up at about 25 by the time I create all the assignments and work pages and insert them,) all but one section of my context for learning (2 pages) and 3 out of 9 single spaces pages for the planning commentary. There are 5 sections, but I think this one is the longest--at least I hope so.

Then I lost my Big Mac virginity. They were buy one get one for 12 cents today, so me and Becky figured we deserved it.

Now I prepare for the relaxing evening ahead: working on creating homework pages, rubrics a game for my lesson, as I watch a movie with my girls. yay!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Day 259- January 13th: The length of love

So it's time for that really good entry I wanted to write. I was thinking the other day about things I'm currently in love with: Music, coffee, my bed, peanut butter, ice cream, food in general, running, The Harry Potter Series. (As an aside, it is very sad that I just stopped to look in my MTLE study book if I was supposed to capitalize 'the' in "The Harry Potter Series," which is very sad. I do capitalize it, because it refers to an important work of literature.) Anyway....I got to thinking about how and why I fell in love with these items. Music aids my in all aspects of life, I rely on it for everything, and I've been in love with it for a long time. Coffee keeps me awake, but I've been in love with it for a fairly brief period of time.

 I wanted to see if there was a correspondence to how long I've loved something versus how easily it would be to give it up. My thought process was initially I should quit drinking coffee before I get addicted and don't even get me started on the ice cream. Then I started comparing it to people. I love my family a lot, and could never give them up. But in all truth I've been in love with many other people. I love the kids I work with, and yes it will be easier to give them up than my family, but this has nothing to do with the time I've loved them for, but with the relationship I have with them.

The I thought back to what we discussed in my staff meeting, about focusing on depth over breadth. I came to the following conclusion: It doesn't matter how long you've loved someone or something (breadth) but how passionately and endlessly you love it or him/her (depth.)

And then I came to another conclusion about how insanely hopeless my situation is based on the first conclusion I made. I'm screwed. My love is so endless, that nothing that happens will ever convince me that it shouldn't be there. No matter how many times I learn the lesson or hear other people tell me that its a bad decision (and yes that is the correct form of "its") I will still offer my endless love.

But is my passion, and ability to forgive over and over, really a fault? I guess at this point in my life I can't answer that question. Only time will tell.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Day 258-January 12th: testing my flexibility

Today, going into my skills lesson, I decided my goal was to be flexible. And boy was I. Originally we were supposed to have a lockdown drill, but then an announcement came on saying there wouldn't be one. Then we had issues with fitting the number of students into groups of 3 or 4. Instead of splitting groups up I was flexible and allowed for a group of 5. Then because the kids were having such a hard time with the game I quickly invented a new faster closure so that they could have longer to play. I'm proud of myself. This goal--flexibility-- will be one that I will have every single time I teach a lesson. It is one of my current weaknesses (especially when it comes to teaching).

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Day 257-January 11th: the terms of life

I got this quote today and I love it! It is so true. 
If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you.
- T S Eliot
This quote was also sent to me from my ex boyfriend's mother. Have I mentioned how much I love her yet??

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Day 256-January 10th: New Student

I have some very deep thoughts to write about one of these days, but today is not that day. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and studying and I'd like to write about something new and exciting in my life :) Today we got a new student. Today was his first day ever in an American school. I have no idea how to work with him and he doesn't speak much english, but I'm super excited to see how the teacher in my room work with him. I have never shared any of my future plans with either of my co-teachers, but today I informed my English Language teacher that I'm planning on going to Spain and might end up teaching english their. I told her that I was super excited to see how they worked with this particular student, and that if she had any pointers for me she should let me know. Well she immediately told me about the UNI overseas recruiting Fair. I looked it up when I got home and have discovered that this is the program I heard someone talk about over winter break. I discovered that the Fair is the first weekend in February and that I must be registered by this Friday. It also cost $193 to register not to mention that it would require 2 or 3 nights of hotel staying. Unless I know someone in waterloo Iowa....which I don't. :( This has just led to more frustrations for me....but at least the new student is super duper cute :)

Monday, January 9, 2012

Day 255-January 9th: Heat Wave!

Today was so warm that I rolled down my windows on the way home. This is the song I rocked out to. It's my new guilty pleasure song.  As always I underlined my favorite lyrics, and bolded the ones I really, really love.
Should be sayin' that to you by now, shouldn't I?
Layin' down the law that I live by,
Though maybe next time

I've got a thick tongue,
Brimming with the words that go unsung
Simmer then the burn for a someone,
A wrong one

And I tell myself to let the story end,
My heart will rest in someone else's hand

My 'why not me?' philosophy began,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,

Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me
Keep me when I'm hurting and make me,
Hang from your hands

Well, no more,
I won't beg to buy a shot at your back door
If I'm aching at the thought of you, what for?
It's not me anymore

And I'm not the girl that I intend to be,
I dare you darling, just you wait and see
But this time not for you but just for me,
And I say

Ooh, how'm I gonna get over you?
I'll be alright, just not tonight
Someday, oh I wish you'd want me to stay
I'll be alright, just not tonight,

Say it's coming soon,
Someday without you,
All I can do
Is get me past the ghost of you,

Wave goodbye to me,
I won't say I'm sorry,
I'll be alright
once I find the other side of someday

Day 254-January 8th: The difference of time

I realized something today. There are days that fly past you and there are days that are drag on. There are hours that go by in an instant, and hours that slug on. But, the goal of life isn't to find ways to slow down the time that goes too fast or to speed up the time that goes to fast. The goal is to find the balance of life and  to appreciate both kinds of time.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Day 253-January 7th: my night out

I'm trying to take some time off before my classes start and next weekend when I take the MTLE/ spend my whole weekend starting the TPA (what can be considered my thesis) which is due 2 days before my birthday. It's all just very stressful. So, tonight was my last night off before the chaos. Me, the Beckster, and Alyssa spend the first half of our evening drinking strawberry daiquiris and talking about life (mostly girl stuff.) Then Becky and I headed to Blarneys (yuck...finally lost my Blarney's virginity) and the Library. At the library some nice boys introduced themselves and bought us drinks (at Becky's request.) Then I noticed one was wearing a packer hat. Score! I spent my evening talking to him about Aaron Rodgers, Lambeau Field and the wonderful Green Bay Packers. Then I had a delicious Gyro and went to bed. Did I mention that I started writing a lesson plan while drunk. Oh the silliness of being an adult and not yet being one. I looked at it this morning and it wasn't too shabby...

Friday, January 6, 2012

Day 252-January 6th: MAP testing

Our kids had math MAP testing this morning. It threw our kids off all day and they were crazy. My lesson went alright, but it just shows that it takes more than one day for kids to adapt. They don't like change. I will keep this in mind in my future.

Day 251-January 5th: Alfredo

Tonight I made delicious Alfredo sauce with chicken and brocolli. it was so delicious, and I felt horrible eating it knowing that I ingested all those calories. yummy!!!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Day 250-January 4th: attempts

So I've been attempting to eat less sugar, and I'm doing okay. But it'll probably get worse. Part of me wants to just quit eating it all together(except for my daily yogurt dose, because I need calcium) but it seems to be in everything!

I've also been attempting to go to bed at 8:30 so as to be asleep by 9:00. If you see the time of this post (9:19) you will notice I'm failing miserably. I'm working on it. It's hard to calm my body down when there is so much to do. I was suppose to spend from 8:00-8:30 cleaning, but spent the first portion studying and from 8:15 to now looking at American schools in Spain. Whoops!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Day 249-January 3rd: Some good stuff

Got a cheaper estimate on my car today...under a grand! Already got assigned some teaching lessons! It was a pretty good day. Just a lot of work on my plate. Finally sat down and read my syllabus...also realized I forgot to save the highlighted version of my TPA (80 pages.) But I guess have a lot more to say about today. I did some good discussions with 2 important people today. I posted part of a facebook discussion with one below.
p.s. Please don't kill me for posting this without permission. No one really reads my blog anyway and I thought these were some very wise words. I edited it a bit as well. Just took out the parts that were only related to me, so as to allow others to think of it as it concerns them.

Love hardly ever makes sense (except in disney movies), it isn't rational, and it isn't fair. you don't get to choose who you fall in love with, like life, it's unpredictable which makes it exciting and scary. it gives you butterflies and puts you on mountain tops and other days it makes you re-evaluate who you are as a person; it makes you ashamed that you can't control yourself and that even though most everyone is saying one thing, your heart is saying another thing. at the end of the day it's about being happy regardless of what the people around you are saying, so screw them.       -One very smart person 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Day 247-January 2nd: The best parents and worst break

So I got to thinking today about how great my parents are. They have been nothing but supportive through this whole accident thing. Every time I start worrying about costs my mom reminds me that my car is only worth money, but me and Daryn are priceless. When it comes to family I think I got pretty lucky :D

I also got to thinking about this overall winter break (I go back to teaching/classes tomorrow) and realized that it has been the most deserved and needed ever. Unfortunately it was the worst one I have ever had. Surgery, work/studying everyday, and a huge accident. Oh well. I press on. Spring Break is only about 2 months away, and that one will probably be needed even more. Lesson plans, MTLE, TPA, class, student teaching here I come...

Day 246-January 1st: Lambeau Field and the accident

Well lets just say that 2012 did not get off to a great start. Me and Daryn started our epic trip to Green Bay at 6:30am. Needless to say the roads were awful. Wind blown snow was everywhere. Once we got on 29 we thought everything would be so much better, but it wasn't. For 5 miles everything would be great and then for another mile you would hit a bunch of ice and slush. At one point my car suddenly spun out of control. I did a huge 360 and then continued to fishtail until I landed the car safely (kind of) into a side rail. This honestly was the best option if I didn't want anyone to get hurt or die. My car is pretty bad (took off a good corner) but not one was hurt. Daryn took over driving, and eventually after calling my parents and another 10 minutes on the rode I had a good 15 minute cry session.

We made it to the game and I cracked open a beer almost immediately. Then we ate some breakfast. After using some duct tape to repair the car I was forced to take 4 apple pie shots with the guys we were tailgating with. We headed to the game and I proceeded to pour beer all over a guy...whoops! I apologized about 80 times and he kept saying he didn't care.

The game was incredible, though I wish I wouldn't have had to pee so many times during it. Flynn synched 2 Packer records. Wow!

The ride home was rough and scary. Wind was bad, and there were a lot of cars in the ditch. After making it home we stopped for some dinner (a bloody mary and cheesfries) at the neighborhood. I then came home, and after having my parents look at the car started sobbing and couldn't stop for a good hour or 2. Tears just kept coming back.

This was the deciding factor. Right after the crash the first thing that came to my mind was thank god I'm going to Lambeau. The second was that I don't care how much it costs I'm going to Spain. Screw Minnesota, screw Arizona, screw Texas, screw North Dakota. I want to go to Spain.

Day 245- December 31st: Goals for the new year

1. Eat less sugar
2. Quit spending money on things like clothes and sugar. I don't need them.
3. Run a half marathon
4. Get out of this country
5. Be more independent, but also more spontaneous
6. Get my teaching license. Nothing will stand in my way.
7. Get a group to run the Ragnar relay. It'll be a tough one, but I want to do it.
8. no more driving long distances by myself (more on this later.)

My midnight kiss this year was the best ever. I had a magical steamy kiss with Aaron Rodgers. In my dreams. I was definitely passed out at like 10pm.
At like 7:00pm

Day 244-December 30th: Zoo Day, and going out

Today was a zoo day with the kids. My arms are exhausted after carrying Lan Ting around for a good potion of it. That girl is going to be a good workout this summer. After work I studied my but off so that I would be able to have a relaxing weekend off, and then headed to Dinkytown for a concert with some friends. I also got some delicious Mesa Pizza afterward! Yum!

The weekend would turn out not so relaxing....but more on that later.