Thursday, December 29, 2011

Day 243-December 29th: why here?

So I finally got to the gym today and I can I just say that it felt fantastic! I did 4.5 miles on the elliptical. I got to thinking a lot about how different my life is going to be if I go to Spain versus not going to Spain. I started thinking about how different my life would have been if I had gone somewhere else for college. Some things would have played out the same: I would have got a degree in elementary education, I probably would have graduated early, I would have found some group of friends to fit in with. But a lot would have been different. I'd probably be working a real job already, with none of my graduate degree completed, and I might be a little less in debt.

But what definitely would have been different would have been my relationships. I would probably be closer to my parents since I would have seen them more, and I wouldn't be as close to my brother. I mean I wouldn't have lived with him for 2 years, so there is no way our relationship could be the same. I wouldn't have met my awesome roommates. I wouldn't have dated the plethora of men I have. Maybe I would have only had 1. Maybe I wouldn't have had my heart broken. Maybe I wouldn't have broken any hearts.

So what made me decide to come here? A conversation. I never told anyone what made me choose to come here. It was a conversation with one of my brothers friends. I told him the draw to Eau Claire was saving money, and he convinced me that I'd waste that money on gas coming up to the cities every weekend to see my boyfriend and brother. Extremely logical. Mostly I just didn't want to spend time driving in a car every weekend. Mind blowing. I wonder what will make my decision this time.

Day 242-December 28th: stitches!

The stitches in my mouth fell out today :) Maybe now I can eat like a normal person again. Also I got to spend my work day with some awesome cuties...building gingerbread houses and making foam snowmen. Then we got to go see the movie Dolphin Tale. A little bit of a chick flick, but cute nonetheless. My bosses also finally took us up on giving them an evening off. We fed the kids and played games with them while they took some of the bigger girls who are home from college out.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Day 241-December 27th: Pepper Spray

After someone got mugged yesterday at 3:30 in the afternoon on campus I finally broke down and bought myself some jogging pepper spray. Now maybe I can go for runs at 4:00pm when it's already dark out. I figured it was a worthy investment of my money. I also decided since I was already paying shipping and handling to buy some for my roomies as a christmas present. hurray!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Day 240-December 26th: intriguing?

I feel like posting something intriguing today, but I can think of anything. My car is making weird noises again, and all I want to do is hop in it and drive to North Dakota. Oh life, sometimes you suck.....Also I started listening to Ryan Adams again today. Not sure if this is good or bad.

Day 239-December 25th: Christmas

It was a good and simple Christmas. I woke up to cinnamon rolls and eggs, had part of a beer while opening gifts, and spent the majority of the day with immediate family. I got a lot of nice things, some needed, and probably some unnecessary (who doesn't need unnecessary things?) The best present, by far, was finding out that in April I will become an aunt to a beautiful baby boy! hurray! The Packers also beat the Bears today, which was fantastic. I got to thinking about where I might be next year for Christmas. Maybe I'll be somewhere warm, maybe I'll still come home for the holidays, maybe I'll be in another country. But if I'm really, really lucky I'm sure it can be as good as this one. Maybe even better since I won't be in pain from surgery.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Day 238-December 24th: my need for real arms.

It was a rough night on the bathroom floor of feeling awful. I almost blacked out a few times, but my mommy took good care of me. In order to finally calm myself down and fall back asleep I just had to breath deep and pretend like I was cuddling with someone special. Luckily it worked, sadly I'm sick of pretending, and could really use some real arms.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Day 237-December 23rd: Wisdom Teeth and a quote

Agh! not a fan of surgery. The surgery went well, but the meds they put me on, or the anesthesia make me feel super faint. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and well as a lot of time trying to to pass out/puke. I also have issues withe coughing and sneezing because it removes my blood clot. I have to be super careful. Anyway someone sent me this very lovely quote that I would like to share. I love it!

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. ~Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, translated from Turkish

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Day 236-December 22nd: Appointments

Today was my buys days of appointments. I fit 4 in in 7 hours. Luckily all the places were running on schedule so I had time to run to target, clean my car, and eat lunch in between everything.

Check up went well. At first my blood pressure was in the "scary" range, but they re-took it at the end and it was fine. No shots, no blood drawn, just the uncomfortable papsmeer. But I made it through. I also talked to her about my extreme sleep problems and she suggested a few things including some supplements (hurray for a doctor who doesn't immediately go to chemical drugs.)

Then I headed to the chiropractor. Had to fill out of ton of paper work since our insurance changed, but things went well, and my back cracked wonderfully :)

Dentist was good. Except that they hygienist pointed out that my coffee consumption must have increased because my teeth are starting to get stained! :S I finally got to see my real dentist (he always happens to be gone when I come home to get my teeth cleaned) and when he asked me what I was doing next year and I told him about my new plans(spain) he informed me that another dentist's daughter works for a company who recruits teachers to teach in other countries. Turns out this dentist happens to be extracting my wisdom teeth tomorrow. I love going to the dentist. I always get told I have beautiful teeth.

Lastly I got to go to a new eye doctor. Not my favorite. They dilated my eyes, thus making it impossible for me to study upon my arrival home. :( Eyes are fine for now. Screw my genes. I'm fighting the glaucoma and macular degeneration. Not going to happen to me.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Day 235-December 21st: Call it what you want

Done with my semester. My brother called my mom tonight and when she informed him I was studying he was quite confused. But I press on in my endeavors to get this damn license. So tonight I finished reading through the 400 page MTLE study guide. I shall give myself tomorrow to look over the TPA requirements, Friday to rest, and then I'll be back at it. Just created my official study schedule. Just double the pace I went through it last time. No big deal. Anyway on my way to my last class this morning I heard this song. Um love!

This song describes everything I feel about a certain someone right now. Although I may have uncertainties about my future I know that in some ways I will always be his "woman." Whether either of us likes it or not (hating it right now.)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 234-December 20th: Spain and Thailand

On Sunday, as I drove home and was thinking about my life I decided that I wanted to teach in either Thailand or Spain. I don't know why, but I've always had a draw to Thailand. The draw to Spain is one of language. They speak mostly English, but if I stayed long enough I would potential gain the ability to speak Spanish.

Today I got to talking about 2 of my fellow ILPers about these options. One informed me that one of her best friends is currently teaching in Spain and that she loves her program. She then said she would be willing to give me her contact information so that I could learn a bit more about it. Um...yes universe? I'm listening. I said I'd go anywhere, and I meant it.

 After class we had a meeting with our program coordinator to talk about the gigantic amount of course work we have to do in January/February. There was also a guest speaker who handed out a info sheet about an opportunity to spend our May term teaching in Thailand. Of course, as he told me the cost ($4,000) my heart began to break. I left the meeting feeling completely overwhelmed and depressed about my finances.

Then I thought to myself on the way home about how much I need to do this, and how much I deserve to do this. I gave up a year of college to save money. I gave up studying abroad, and frankly I've been (for the most part) very frugal about my travel spending. I went on one spring break trip to Canda and spent a whooping $500. So...who cares if all my savings is gone and I can't make that down payment on my loans or a new car. Screw it. I want this, and I need to do this now while I have the chance, before I give up all my dream simply because I do not have the finances to cover them.

 So I applied.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Day 233-December 19th: Finals and celebration

I woke up at 4am to study for my final today. Procrastination was finally overcome. I took it, came home and spent my 2 hours doing MTLE studying. Then I headed back for the worst social studies class ever, followed by countless hours of watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs in bed. I'm currently getting ready for my first night out at a MN bar since September. I plan on having 2 drinks and driving home to bed. But this girl needs some bluegrass in her life. Also I got this picture sent to my inbox from my ex's wonderful mother. She keeps sending me quotes that make me think. Love that about her.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Day 232- December18th: You wait so long

I've heard this song a few times, but i heard it on my way home from work today and the lyrics in the last verse hit me.

I could never pretend that i don't love you

you could never pretend that i'm your man

that's exactly the way that i want it

that's exactly the way that i am

and you'll call me in the mornin with your troubles

takin it downtown every night

i could never place the stars at night above ya

got my hands on the ground and you know i'm right

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

it's a coffee stained earth every time it happens

liven up honey it ain't that bad

and the after thought rose to recognition

like every other coffin that i had

then your Buick broke down in *Winnemucca*

you fall to your knees and you pray to the lord

then you take a poke at the politicians

nothing happens in this burnt out town anymore

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

and your heart rolls on like a frozen freight train
Find More lyrics at 

you know that I'll help you if i can

but I'm just a raindrop in a river

just a little itty bitty grain of sand

and you know that i'm doomed to repeat this

with all the bad habits that i learned

but its better than your fine earned fornication

and all the dirty money that you earned

you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long
you wait so long

Day 231-December 17th

I spent a good portion of my day today re-reading old blog posts (can you say procrastination.) My the way life has changed in 231 days, and yet the way it has stayed so insanely the same. Many of the posts talked about how I don't know who I am....similar to yesterdays post. It was also wonderful to go back and listen to some of the songs I fell in love with and realize why/when I fell in love with them. Overall it was a lot of reviewing feelings and good and bad moments. Since I have a huge final at 8:00am tomorrow I better get back to studying for it....I guess.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Day 230- December 16th: Who am I????

I got to thinking today about the decisions of my future. I get nervous that the options I hardly consider will be the ones that are perfect for me. Some just seem way too scary. But then....the one I think about the most should be the most scary, so why isn't it?
 I don't ask opinions anymore. I know what people will say. The best friend will tell me to go for it, she's always supportive and spontaneous. And I love that about her. I need a spontaneous friend. The rents? They'd freak, and be concerned about the exact same things I'm concerned about (finding a job, housing, how i'll move.) The brothers. I got their opinions. They somehow managed to freak me out briefly, followed by my defiant side that says I don't care what others think anymore. My other friends? I know their opinions too. But like I said it's MY decision. Not anyone else's.
But I can't possibly. I think the reason I'm okay diving into this scary situation is that it's actually the easy way out for me. If I take this route I will possibly end up giving up everything I want. Or, I could get everything I've ever wanted. And then suddenly I realize (for the billionth time) that this is not a problem about the decision of where to go, it is a problem about me, still not knowing who I am. Do I want to be a housewife or a full-time lifelong teacher? Do I want to live in the suburbs, a city, or a rural area? Do I want to be the hot obnoxious girlfriend or the down to earth single girl? Do I want to be reliant or independent? Who am I?

Truth be told I'm 21, and I have no idea. The only problem is that I need to find out in the next 5-8 months. When the hell did I become an adult???

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 229-December 15th: Suspension

It broke my heart, but today two of my students received in school suspension. They will now be serving 3 days of out of school suspension for physical harm to another student.  Scary.

Bullying is real. and it's serious. If you work in a school please be sure to be on the look out for students who may be victims of bullying and those students who may be bullies. Teachers have eyes, but our eyes cannot be on all our students 100% of the time. Please join forces with us to stop bullying.

Day 228-December 14th: my day off

I ended up calling in sick today. I only got like 4 hours of sleep due to terrible coughing, and my throat was raw. I wasn't able to sleep during the day, but I got some serious cleaning done. Swept and vacuumed my room, swept the living room, vacuumed the stairs and the cobwebs in the upstairs portion of the house, did 2 loads of laundry, and got rid of 3 bags of clothes from my closet/drawers(turns out once you start wearing professional clothes almost everyday, you don't need quite as many comfy/college-like outfits.) Then I did some MTLE studying and got ahead enough that I won't have to worry about it for this weekend as I prepare myself for finals next week. Then I rested, did my nails, and passed out at approximately 7:45pm. And I slept wonderfully.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Day 227-December 13th: Ryan Adams show!

So this was my quote of the day, and it seemed kind of perfect considering the day I had.

Get busy living or get busy dying.
- Andy Dufresne

Tonight I attended a concert! My first concert since the summer, which is extremely surprising. I took a night off from crazy homework and studying (worked my ass off the last 3 days so that I could afford to) and I enjoyed the music of one of my favorite musicians: Ryan Adams. 

I heard my first Ryan Adams song when I was 16, but I had little idea how much I'd fall in love with him during the summer of 2010. He was just about all I listened to. Friends would even mention how sick they were of hearing him in my car or on my computer, but eventually I was able to change some of their minds. To summarize: I want to have Ryan Adam's babies.The one picture I took from the evening follows. Unfortunately cameras were banned in the theatre :(

Highlights include:
1) Ryan playing New York, New York on the piano in a slower form. Amazing!
2) Ryan playing 16 days (one of my recent favorites.)
3) Come Pick Me Up (the song that made me originally fall in love with him.)
4) If I Am a Stranger (there was just something about this song that I felt tonight.)
5) Winding Wheel (another one of my recent favorites.)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Day 226-December 12th: kidism

As teachers we call the funny things kids say "kidisms." Here is my kidism from today.

So we are looking at a book about sharks, and the book is comparing sharks to humans, in relation to how long ago they lived. Then the book started talking about the first shark that existed.

"Who was the first human?" -kid
"Well it was a long time ago and we don't really know who the exact first person was." -Me
"I think it was George Washington."- kid

Ummm.........not even close. Also, in the middle of my math lesson (observed by my supervisor) I lost my voice. It is almost completely gone :( I'm so glad I'm done with whole group lessons until Friday and only have to work with small groups or individual students.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Day 225- December 11th: Long Distance

I got a lot done today. Woke up early, did some studying, finished a paper, started a lesson plan, did some more studying. I'm getting there. Anyway I had some time to think, and I got to thinking about how messed up long distance relationships are. I'm not talking about just boyfriend/girlfriend ones (been there, done that) but all relationships (Parent/kids, Grandparents/Grandkids, Friendships.) It's so weird in our technological society. I mean you can be so connected and yet, in reality be so distant. I find distance an immense pain in the arse. Why can't I just apparate (harry potter term for simple turning and being suddenly where you need to be.) You can text,  e-mail, call, and skype and still, you need that physical closeness for a relationship to really become something. How strange.....

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Day 224-December 10th: 2 beautiful views

I woke up at 5:30 (stupid internal clock.) I probably should have done homework, but instead I went grocery shopping to get some fruit and ingredients to make chili. The best part of my insomnia? The empty grocery store, and the beautiful full moon I saw on my way there. I always drive to work at 6:30, but I've never noticed the beauty of it. It was so bright and it made me really wish I was out in the country looking at stars and the rest of the sky.

I had a wonderful day at work (got to take the 2 chinese cuties out to lunch) and then headed home for what I hoped would be a relaxing evening. On my drive home on 35W I noticed the amazing sunset right behind the city skyscrapers. It was beautiful and I felt so lucky that I was able to see it. Both times I wished I had my camera with me. You just can't re-create those moments for other people though. Sight isn't just seeing, it's also a feeling. And I felt both the moon and those sunny colors with all of my being.

Day 223-December 9th: my almost full day :)

I woke up feeling surprisingly fantastic and ready for the day. We had a sub in the morning, so I was in charge of getting the students from place to place. Abby was late getting back and the sub had left, so I had to take over briefly. Abby returned to take the kids to lunch, but then I taught math and I-time in the afternoon. Essentially I did almost a whole day by myself. (we had science lab and specials in the morning, and I improvised for writers workshop.) So essentially the only thing I didn't do was Readers Workshop. Which the sub was awful at....where do they find these people?

Day 222-December 8th: Sick

After my very productive day yesterday I woke up extremely sick this morning. It was a rough day at Highland. I didn't want to miss because I started my math micro-teaching and was scheduled to do my comprehension lesson. It's amazing how my sickness went completely away as I was teaching and suddenly showed up again right afterward. I headed to Super Target to pick up some soup, and fruits, as well as some medication. I came home, had some juice while I did some reflections. Then I quickly ate some soup and headed to bed at 6:30 pm.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 221-December 7th: Can I get some sleep?

Is it Friday yet? I'm trying to find beauty in the chaos, but this is what is coming of it: re-writing lesson plans, stress eating, and sore throats. I'm currently sitting in bed attempting to relax my body when I know I have a thousand things to do, because I need sleep tonight. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 1am and I had to get up at 5! That's not realistic. So deep breathing, a double shot of whiskey, followed by relaxation tea. After Monday I will be done with all of my teaching lessons for the U. Hopefully Abby will give me some easy and simple lessons to teach, and I can focus on studying for finals. AGH! not freaking out...just relaxing.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Day 220-December 6th:A Girl

A girl walks into a store. Why yes, her eyes are quite puffy. Looks a bit like she's been crying. She purchases three items: Tea titled "relaxation", low fat frozen yogurt, and Reeses peanut butter cups. King size. As she leaves she notices that there are 3 cops cars outside of the store. She reminds herself to never stop there again. She finishes her drive home considering all the options for how to complete her work when she gets home. She sets up a plan and figures out exactly what she needs to do. As soon as walking in the door she makes herself a flurry. And suddenly the world is better. After starting her work she receives a phone call from her favorite person. The worries fade away. Later she reads the words on her tea bag."Have wisdom in you actions, and faith in your merits," it says. And she does. 

I will persevere. I can do this. And when I feel like I can't, there will always be ice cream to fix it. And calls from a wonderful friend. 

Monday, December 5, 2011

Day 219-December 5th: Wild Horses

The kids were quite crazy today. I was stressed and I needed to blow off some steam, so I headed to the gym. This will probably be my only chance to get there this week. On my way there I heard this song. Perfect.
I also started Christmas shopping today. Most of it will probably be done online this year, just because life is so crazy. I don't have very many ideas, so I failed at purchasing anything. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Day 218-December 4th: The week ahead.

Last night I slept with my body pillow, and it was super helpful. I got 8.5 hours of sleep, which was wonderful! It felt so good, and I woke up super relaxed. I also got 4.5 miles in at the gym today. I'm going to make it a priority to get to the gym this week at least 3 times, but this is my major week of teaching. I have at least one lesson everyday, if not two. I'm a bit nervous about my Social Studies lesson that starts tomorrow because my teacher hasn't given me any feedback. Then I realized that in her 9 years of teaching she has never taught Social Studies. Therefore I actually have more knowledge on the subject than she does. How strange! I also get to start my math lesson on Thursday and teach a reading lesson on thursday. It's gonna be crazy!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Day 217-December 3rd: A well needed workout

I almost wrote a super sad blog post today. But I'm trying to remain positive. I got done with work early (thank god!) and so I went grocery shopping and headed to the gym for a well needed 25 minute run and 30 minute elliptical session. I really needed a workout and a good 5 minutes of running with all my might. I felt wonderful and refreshed afterward, and was able to finish my lesson plan and write one 4 page paper. I am currently rewarding myself with The 5th Harry Potter movie and whiskey. Lots of whiskey.

Day 216- December 2nd: Happy Birthday!

I'd like to wish the love of my life a very Happy Birthday! Aaron Rodgers, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Also today was our 2nd roomate family dinner night. We made delicious burgers, fries and chocolate shakes. Yum! I worked my ass off on my Math Lesson plans, and had the first draft almost completed by the time I went to bed at 11:30pm. (after sipping on whiskey for a few hours.) I've been having a really rough time with sleep latley. Not sure if it's just stress, but I think tomorrow night I will try reverting back to my body pillow for comfort. We'll see if it works.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Day 215-December 1st: Photo

you will probably notice that my blog posts will be getting super short in the near future. Finals, Lesson plans, papers, work, MTLE know. Today I discovered this picture online and I think it deserves to be shared.
Photo by Michael Flanagan
This is what was posted under it: Today in Egypt, CHRISTIANS link arms to protect praying MUSLIMS from police violence in Tahrir. Curious if you'd protect the rights of someone you disagree with?

Think about it. Would you? This is something we don't see that often. And sure, maybe you'd stand up for other religions, but what about if someone was gay? Or someone wanted an abortion? Just something to spark some thought for the day

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Day 214-November 30th: losing track of time.

Today was one of those days where I just couldn't seem to get anything done, and then suddenly I could and I lost track of time. I came home, expecting to have an email from my social studies professor with suggestions for my lesson, but I didn't. So, I headed to the gym with my becky for a great workout. Ran a few miles, and when my knees started hurting I switched to the elliptical. Then I did some lunges (killer the next day.) When I got home I decided to start writing my lesson plan on comprehension. I got super into it, and by the time I found my resources and wrote it, I looked at the clock and it was 9:00. I had planned on going to bed at 9, but still hadn't done my chapter of studying (45mins) or my reflection (20min). So I decided to crawl into bed to do my studying. Mistake! I finished at 9:45, but didn't fall asleep until 1:00 in the morning. Lesson learned. Homework in bed is a mistake. One thing I can say for sure: I am marveling at the chaos of life. Yay me!