Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 30- May 30th

On our way to Uptown to re-watch Matt Doses-Flynn's near victory in the Packer game against the Patriots, my brother and I had an interesting conversation.

He said, "I wish I could have given mom a survey about her 3 children and all the cousins and see who she would have chose to fulfill all the statements." Some of the examples were 1) would become a lawyer 2) would attend North Central University 3) would be the first to get married and have kids. There were several other examples, mostly the ones that pertained to us, that I refuse to put on here, mostly because they are bad things. For example I'm sure if my mother could have picked any of the cousins who would love whiskey, I would have been one of her last choices.

The thing is when I was little I was brought up to believe that all girls had to live a certain lifestyle. Girls were supposed to have babies. They were supposed to have babies, and cook meals for their husbands. This is what I believed until I made it to college. I wasn't even going to come to college. I wanted to be a suburban housewife, so what was the point. Luckily for me 2 very great teachers, thank you Mr. Zuiker and Mr. Bokern, told me that my brain was too good to waste on dinner recipes and finding the best duster and mop.

And so I came to the University of Minnesota, and one thing led to another, and I broke up with my perfect Suburban Husband, and started dating someone completely opposite. And for awhile I tried to be the girl who didn't want a serious relationship, the girl who didn't want to get married, and the girl who didn't want kids. I essentially tried to become the opposite of what my mother thought I would become.

I'm not sure if I was just rebelling against my mom, myself, or if I was just giving in to peer pressure. Truth be told I am neither of these girls. I'm not suburban house wife material. I'm a little too independent and selfish for that. But I'm not a completely independent girl either. I do want to get married, although not in the huge wedding sort of way I used to. And I think I do want kids, although perhaps not my own.

The main point of this long, and probably boring post is that I don't know who I am or what I want, but i'm really working on it.

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